How Long Will I Love You.

Chapter Thirteen.

"Do you think we should get a babysitter when River's a bit older?" Justin asked. Us three were sitting in bed watching some random programme on TV after deciding to have a lazy day, resting up before Justin starts working properly again, and me I guess. At some point.

"I guess, like I can't stay at home all the time I'll go mad. But I need someone I can trust, a lot. And someone who can protect River if anything bad was to happen" I replied, looking down at River. Thinking about what danger he could be in whilst Justin and I were working and he was at home, with only the babysitter.

I looked at Justin, noticing he had gone quiet. Looking at his face I realised he was thinking "So we need a ninja babysitter" Justin smirked, I smiled but hit him playfully on the arm "Yes actually. I'm not leaving River with just anyone I need someone who has strength, and preferably someone who knows how to use a gun" Justin raised his eyebrow "You want our son to be cared for by someone who has a gun in his pocket twenty four seven?" I let out a small laugh before looking at him "Did you hit your head? Everyone in our family does exactly that"Justin nodded "Right, that might have slipped my mind"

"Ok. How about this. What we need is another gang member, but not to work with us but for us" Justin said, smiling. I nodded and smiled, realising what he was getting at "Matt?" I asked, to which Justin nodded "He's not like us though" I said after thinking it over for a few seconds "He could be, he has potential you know that. Not only has he helped us out but he's Johnny's son. We can trust him, he's got strength, we can train him up. It won't take long with all of us" I suddenly started getting excited over it all "Were geniuses" I said, handing River to Justin "That we are" he replied, kissing me before I left to go downstairs.

-

"Let's get this party started!" Chaz shouted, stabbing a can of beer and drinking it all before throwing the can in the corner of the garden. Austin, Ali and Dom soon followed "Guess it's time to party" Justin quietly spoke to me "Sure is" I replied, clinking our glasses together.

River was asleep upstairs, and I had monitors in every room so even if I didn't hear him, someone would. Justin thought it was crazy with how many I bought, but he agreed when I told him it would help me to worry less when I wasn't with him. Maybe I could even let loose a little bit, start getting back to my old self.

"Where's my nephew?" I heard behind me, an arm loosely leaning across my shoulders. Turning around I see Derek, his other arm around Justin "He's upstairs asleep" I replied, motioning for him to follow.

"Derek, meet River" "What a little cutie" Derek said, in a voice I never expected to hear from him. I left it a few minutes before saying anything else.

"Where've you been Derek?" I asked, us both still looking at River. Derek shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed. I followed and sat beside him "You didn't visit us at the hospital, or even when we came home" Derek and I had our differences in the past but we settled it, that's why I was confused and even a little upset. After all, Justin is his brother, and River's his nephew "Is it me?" He quickly shook his head to my question "No, we're cool you know that. I just...I guess I just wanted to get myself together. After everything with Joe and then what happened with Nathan. I felt terrible, I couldn't be near everyone after what I did" His shoulders were slumped as he spoke, his eyes fixed on River rather than looking at me "I was so stupid. I fucking killed Nathan. How could I do that?" I took his hand in mine, a slight comfort for the both of us "It's ok. You can't change the past, and anyway. I'm sure you've killed people before" "Never one of my own" Derek said, almost not letting me finish my sentence. I took a deep breath, one of my own. Maybe Derek wasn't such an asshole even when I thought he was "It's ok. Everyone forgives you, I forgive you. It's life Derek, thats what happens. People die, in our life more people die around us, usually because of us-" he tried to cut me off but I stopped him "I know what you're going to say. I know you were idiots at the time, it wasn't even on a job and someone died. But what happened, happened. So you need to forgive yourself. Will you do that?" I asked.