How Long Will I Love You.

Chapter Three.

God damn, were we going to be hated:

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Everyone stayed at ours last night, but none of us actually went to bed until around five in the morning. You could tell we were all exhausted, but we was wide awake at the same time. I guess you could say we were shaken up.

It’s nothing new in our lives, the things we go through from day to day, there’s not much that can scare you. We’re not normal people, we don’t do normal things, and we don’t have normal everyday lives.

But what we do every day, we are very good at and there’s not many people that would disagree…anyone who would, were in denial.

However, because we are good at what we do, yet something like this still managed to occur tonight, was the very reason we were all still wide awake sitting in silence at four o’clock in the morning.

What we had all gone through, was something new.

Ok there had been times the gang had been separated, there had been times we were held hostage, and almost killed.

But something about tonight felt different, and I knew I wasn’t the only one that felt that way.

Why it was so different was anyone’s guess.

Maybe because we’d been through this sort of stuff before, and because we had, we had obviously changed our ways a little to stop things like the past happening again, yet it still happened.

And out of anyone it could have been. It was Joe that planned it all.

“What the fuck”

I had been lost in my thoughts up until that point, as was everyone else, yet I decided to speak my mind.

The guys looked up from their previous positions and looked at me. I looked around the room “Seriously. What the fuck?”

I heard a few sighs, and a few laughs. But no answers.

I tilted my head to the ceiling, taking a deep breath, until a ‘light bulb clicked’ and I sat up straighter.

“We have to up our game” I stated, looking straight at Jason. He was leaning forward, with his elbows leaning on his knees but now he was sitting straighter, his eyebrow raised as if telling me to continue, so that’s what I did.

“No doubt it’s my fault, it always is-“ “Don’t say that” Dom intervened, but I held my hand up “Shut up, let me finish” I told him, he put his hands up in surrender and let me continue.

“Anyway, we all know that when things happen, it’s always my fault. Always has been, always will be. I can admit that because denial is not something I live with. But fucking hell I’m so done with this shit. Joe is gone, and yes I might still have my occasional breakdown and whatever, but there is no way in hell that I’m letting us lot get into meaningless shit again” I carried on looking around the room at each one of the guys, and suddenly felt like I was holding an intervention. I guess that’s what it was, because if you want to be the best of the best, things are going to have to change.

Everyone continued staying silent, so I carried on.

“Joe is gone, which is no less than fucking marvellous. He was a big issue, but he’s dealt with, he’s gone. But!” I stood up and walked to the edge of the circle that the guys seem to have made in the living room “People are going to find out. People are going to start getting ideas, and they’re going to think we’re easy targets. But easy targets is something we will never be. We will be targets, that’s for sure we are in this business after all. But being easy…that shit will never happen. So…”