•Boys Like You•Hardzello•

•The Red Sweater•

Ben, the first of the two to wake up, stood up from his position curled into Joe's side, and switched the TV to Jeremy Kyle, because of course the best thing to do after sex is laugh at people's horrific family affairs (if you don't know what Jeremy Kyle is, it's basically Dr Phil but funnier)

As he left his indent in the sofa, Joe stirred at the shift of weight.

"Ben" he mumbled, confused and dazed. "Sit your ass back down I miss you!"

"Watch it, you haven't redeemed yourself yet!" Ben giggled, going to resume his position in Joe's side.

The two of them sat watching Jeremy Kyle, Joe ever so slightly more confused of the two. He couldn't quite understand why the lady, who looked like a horse, would sleep with her mother's boyfriend? Or why the man with four thumbs and half of his left ear bitten off (in prison according to the TV) would have a baby with his best friend's mum?

"Woah. British people are so weird" he thought to himself, playing with Ben's fingers. Truthfully he couldn't care less about what was going on on the tv, he just loved to see the cheeky grin on Ben's face. The way his nose scrunched up as his teeth became visible. The slight head tilt. Everything. Joe was absolutely infatuated and couldn't believe what he almost lost.

He wrapped his back arm tightly around Ben, nuzzling his face into his shoulder.

Sheer bliss.

Ben looked down and smiled. He could smell the tobacco on Joe's clothes, inhaling to take in the scent mixed with Joe's regular vanilla scents. He was itching to clean the rest of his sweaty, smudged makeup off, and put on some sweats and a loose shirt, but he was willing to deal with the discomfort of Joe was happy.

Little did he know, Joe really wasn't happy.

He was still riddled with guilt, stressed with school and doubting that he could keep the relationship stable, Hell he had already fucked up once over Ben being cranky.

Everything was becoming too overwhelming and he began to grow more and more anxious as the days grew. He needed something. Anything to let this feeling of anxiety pass.

He pulled Ben towards him, wrapping his arms around his waist as he stood before the dresser, removing any remaining makeup along with the wig. Resting his cheek on Ben's shoulder and looking at the two of them in the mirror. He wished he could freeze the picture. Take away all of the conflicting feelings he wrestled with and just be here in the moment with Ben.

Instead he began to think of the logistics, such as what his dad would say upon returning, what would happen when Ben eventually had to go home again, what if the people at school found out and everything that happened in the past repeated itself.

Joe grew cold and distant at this thought, letting go of Ben's waist and harshly turning away. He grabbed a lighter and a box of cigarettes from the counter. Both himself and Ben had been trying to cut down recently but 'fuck it' thought Joe.

He ran down the stairs, placing the cigarette behind his ear before running a hand through his hair.

Ben was left upstairs alone. He knew something was going on but he didn't know what. After getting changed, he sighed, sitting on the bed wearing his red TopMan sweater and a pair of jeans, resting his hands on his thighs. He felt stupid and exposed. He stared into his own eyes in the mirror in front of him.

He stared and stared until his eyes burned red, Joe himself looking out onto the fields behind his house. Feeling the jagged edges of the old fence pull stitches in his clothes. He heard the glass door slide open. Ben stood there staring at him.

Upon noticing the blonde stood in the doorway, Joe stubbed out the cigarette on the fence behind him. He said nothing, just waited for Ben to say what he had to say.

"Joe. What's going on?" Ben tilted his head "why are you acting all weird?"

Joe still said nothing. Truth was, Joe didn't know. Like before this was caused by a multitude of issues.

"Like what? Just needed some air" he replied in a flat tone.

Ben grabbed Joe by the hand, pulling him inside.

"Look at you!" He muttered "your shirt is all messed up!"  Ben tutted, taking off Joe's green shirt, replacing it with his own red sweatshirt.

"Much better" he smiled gently.

"Ben...I don't deserve you" Joe whispered, burying his face in Ben's now bare chest.