Be Alright

Thirty-Two

Thirty-Two: Empty

I have always been a naive person. I have always tried to find the better parts of everyone, even when there's really no good in them. I have always tried to help people when they are suffering, even when they are suffering because of their own choices. I have always been there for a friend, even when that friend has never been there for me.

The past three days have left me confused and torn. I have thought out every single thing I could say to Jace, ranging from me telling him we should never speak again, to me considering leaving Tyler for him.

How is someone supposed to act when someone they have loved for so long finally loves them back?

I loved Jace. Maybe I still do love him, maybe my love for Tyler is much stronger. Either way, I loved Jace with everything in me at one point.

I tried so hard to fight the feelings. I would distance myself, pick fights for no reason, tell myself I didn't like Jace like that. I was in denial. It took me a while to realize that what I felt for Jace wasn't just a small crush or attraction. I was in love with him.

That was until Tyler came into the picture and I felt what it was like to be loved back; to love someone who loves you as much as you love them. I don't know if my love for Tyler is so strong that it got rid of all the love I had for Jace, or just temporarily blocked it from my mind.

The only things I could feel these past three days are confusion, anger, and sadness.

Confused for my feelings for both Tyler and Jace, angry because Jace fell for me after Tyler came into the picture, and sad because if I choose between the two, one is going to be left heartbroken.

"You need to talk to him," Haley says, pulling he comforter away from my face.

I groan and snatch it back from her, covering my face once again to leave me in the dark. It was bad enough she opened my curtains to let some light in, the least she could do is let me hide under the covers.

"What do I even say?" I ask her.

There's a reason I haven't talked to Jace in three days and it's really because I just don't know what to say to him.

I haven't talked to Tyler much either. I didn't want to talk to him almost as much as I didn't want to talk to Jace. I know it's wrong of me to distance myself from Tyler since he hasn't done anything wrong, but I needed the space. I needed time to think.

"Say whatever comes to mind. Work it out. It doesn't matter if you love him back or if you don't. You're still best friends," she tells me, giving me some of the encouragement that I need.

No matter what, me and you in the end.

I nearly laugh at the phrase. I never realized it could have had a double meaning.

"I just need some time," I tell her and she sighs.

I pull the blanket from over my head and turn on my back, looking up at Haley. She's seated at the edge of my bed, looking at me with so much worry that I nearly feel bad.

I didn't deserve such a good friend. We may bicker and our personalities may clash from time to time, but she's the realest person in my life and I am incredibly thankful to have her.

"If you need some time away from Jace the least you can do is give that time to Tyler. Don't cut him out," she instructs.

I hate her for always being right.