Be Alright

Thirty-Three

Thirty-Three: Pouring Rain

I didn't know it was possible for the two most important people in my life to become so distant from me in only three days. I lost my best friend because I couldn't muster up words to say to him. I lost my boyfriend because I lied to him.

And I'm losing myself because I don't know how to cope with these losses at all.

I did nothing but cry on the way home. I could barely see, but I followed the taillights of Harley's car the best I could. He was respectful enough to keep his distance and not pester me with questions when we got home and I will forever be grateful for that.

Haley won't be home until midnight and I don't know if I am happy I get to spend some time alone and cry everything out, or if I'm upset. Haley always tells me what to do when I'm struggling.

I stand up from my bed, knowing laying here will not bring any peace to my mind. I pace through the small room, trying to work my body some. I've always been told exercise is a great way to make your mind feel better, though it just makes me tired and sleepy.

My feet finds its way to my desk, and I sit down at my chair. I never do work here, only my makeup. It's cluttered with brushes and tubes of foundations and sprays. On one end of the desk is a vase of flowers, just starting to die on me. The other has a picture of Tyler and I, the Polaroid of us together.

I pick the picture up. I never put it in a frame. I always just lent it against my vanity mirror. It was always my favorite thing to look at when getting ready.

I place the picture down, not wanting to look at a happy picture of Tyler and I when what is going on right now between us is far from happy. I then touch the flowers, the ends of the white daisies falling onto the desk from how brittle the leaves are.

Tyler always bought me flowers. As soon as one bouquet began to die, he would get me another. He knew how much I loved flowers, and he never failed once at replacing them.

Except this time.

My eyes begin to water once again and I can't help but to feel an overwhelming amount of emotions surging through me. I feel angry and out of control, and with the swipe of my arms, I knock all the contents on top of my desk into the floor.

The water from the base spills into my gray and white rug, and glass shatters everywhere. I don't stop there, though, as I continue throwing things, breaking my possessions out of anger.

When I finish my tantrum, I fall to the floor, weeping in the middle of the mess I had made. The sobs emitting from my mouth are loud, louder than any I have let out yet. I can feel a pain growing in my abdomen, and my throat begins to hurt.

Before I know it, my bedroom door is being thrown open. I expect it to be Harley, probably heading the commotion and coming to check on me.

What I didn't expect was the maple cologne smell as someone wrapped their arms around me, taking a seat in the floor with me.

I put my head in his chest and cry and cry until my lungs can barely take it anymore. I know I'm being dramatic, but I don't care. I have held in all my emotions for far too long. Tyler leaving me was the one thing that make me burst, popping the balloon that held all my feelings inside.

Jace's hand rubs my back and he rocks my body back and forth. My cheek is pressed against his shirt, which is now soaked with my tears.

When I finally trust myself enough to not breakdown again, I pull away from Jace and look up at him. He's already looking down at me and he has concern etched into all of his features.