e X paN d

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by joohbot

by joohbot

So there's this bitch and she's my bestie
And recently she got this thing cause she needed to get braces but her teeth were so fucked up they needed MORE
So basically she's not supposed to be taking it out of her mouth so it can e x p a n d her teeth
But you know what she physically can't do?
PRONOUNCE THE SYLLABLE D DKJSKSJCND
WHEN I FIRST HEARD HER I SCREAMED
WHENEVER SHE SAYS D IT SOUNDS LIKE Z-

Her: Hold on I gotta get my zogs some zaifers
(Dogs) (Diapers)
Me:

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I cried so hard that day

But you know what else she can't do?
KEEP THE GODDAMN EXPANDER IN HER MOUTH
ISTG EVERY F I VE SEC O N D S I LOOK OVER AND SHES TAKING IT OUT
PUT YOUR FUCKING EXPANDER BACK IN YOUR MOUTH I SAID
YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO SHE SAID
IM SO CLOSE TO JUST BEATING HER EVERY TIME-

I PROMISED HER DENTIST THAT I WOULD KEEP HER IN SHAPE
BUT THATS SO DIFFICULT WHEN IM LITERALLY DEALING WITH A 3 YEAR OLD IN GROWN BODY-

anyway, that is it for story time today
I'll be back tomorrow to spill more tea
Have a nice rest of your day ducklings

Lil moo moo oUT!