Bully or friend (Camren)

Chapter twenty

As the clock ticked impatiently, Lauren stared at the exam in front of her with her pencil in her mouth whilst her teeth clamped down anxiously, chewing away at the object. Ten minutes had passed in her exam and she had answered three questions: three questions which she confidently knew she got right. Yet that was the problem, she had revised and studied hard but all she could think about what was Camila. If she passed this exam, did this mean she'd never talk to Camila again? Would they revert back to old ways? Would their heated session in Camila's room be their last one? However, she thought about her friends and how they desperately wanted her back on the cheerleading squad. Everyone would know who she was if she continued being a cheerleader; a good cheerleader as well. She knew deep down that Camila made her happier but she was the riskier option. Also, she had no idea what was going on with Camila. The last time they had spoken was after the cake sale a few days ago when the brunette had acted cold towards her for no particular reason. As she scanned over the questions, she recalled many of the questions from hers and Camila's tutoring sessions but her hand barely twitched as she gripped the pencil more sternly. She couldn't get the brunette off her mind, her focus kept cutting short. Her brown hair was so soft, her light earthly coloured eyes were captivating, her smile was heart melting, her skin was smooth and her kisses were heaven. She doodled a few hearts whilst her own face lit up with a giant smile.

After the hour was up, she handed in her maths paper with dread. She exited and made her way to her car since she spent her time after school doing her maths exam. Relieved to finally be able to go home, she hopped into her car and drove her way home because she could enjoy her winter break. No school, no friends and no Camila. However, not seeing Camila for two weeks didn't appeal to her because, after spending months seeing each other every day, she would miss her. She was already beginning to miss her. As she battled through the harsh wind and stormy clouds that looked like they were about to produce masses of rain, she carefully drove herself home allowing the radio to relax her mind. Yet, it was impossible to relax her mind when all she could think about was Camila. The questions she had filled her mind, expanded twice their size and began spawning even more questions from the original one. Should she tell Camila how she felt? She thought about this too often.

However, the girls had only become close friends again and she was scared that if she opened her mouth, Camila would go fleeting away. She also didn't want the rejection; she knew she had hurt Camila in the past and wondered if Camila was still upset over it with her. She had so many unanswered questions and those type of questions were the worst questions. It was the uncertainty that would kill her. The unknowing, the second-guessing and the biggest influencer; the overthinking. It was as if she could feel the worry being tattooed right under her skin, slowly sinking further into her and all she could do was scratch herself until she was bleeding red and exhausted. Having feelings for someone was mentally exhausting; especially Camila. It was a fact that being around Camila made her so happy but there was so much sadness, so much confusion, so much worry that was carried with it. Was all this emotional baggage worth it? Her mind felt like a tornado; every time there was something good, her mind would find a way to ruin it and savagely tear apart anything remotely resembling positivity. She would never show anyone this side of her; the worrying Lauren. In her eyes, it was just another weakness. When her mind focused back into reality, she parked outside her house, glancing at the living room window and seeing the light was on and two shadows sharply danced around the room. As she stepped out of the car, she could already hear the rumbles of aggressive yells erupting from the front room in rhythm with the two quick-pacing shadows. Before she opened the door, she stood for a few moments whilst listening to the muffles of her parents' argument and soon heard the crashing of glass bottles. She shook her head. No, not tonight, she thought. One night of peace is all she wanted and she knew she would never acquire this at home.