𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ✰ 𝐚.𝐟.𝐢.

6 | Forgive me

❝Ashton❞

Lily left me there at the diner. And that long haired brunette girl pushed past me, nearly knocking me down, too. On top of it all, once I'd walked back inside and paid for our meal, it started raining again. I really want to know if Lily is okay, it's not the best time or place to walk alone, but here we are. I contemplate running down the sidewalk in search of her. I figured that I'd better give her some space though. She didn't seem too mad, just disappointed maybe. Or maybe she's good at hiding things too, except her things are just her feelings. I can't believe of all people to tell her, it was one that I can't even tell you the name of, because I don't know.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't even realize how far I'd walked, and before I knew it, I was back at our apartment building. I want to knock on her door and see if she's okay. Not even needing her forgiveness or anything like that. I just want to know that she's okay. I hear a muffled music from where I find myself standing on the outside of her door. I let my fist hover before her door, not letting it make contact with the wood. I sigh aloud, thinking about what I should do. The lesser of two evils: confronting her or not knowing. I subconsciously feel myself rap my fist against the door a couple of times. The door mechanism clicks and the door opens a crack. I push it open more, only for it to be stopped by a small chain and hook from the inside.

"What, Ashton?" Lily doesn't move from behind the door so that I can see her. Her voice is muffled from the other side of the wood, blocked.

"I-I, I just wanted to know that you're okay." I huff, kicking my feet with each other.

"Well, I'm not, so you can go now." She sasses from her same position.

"No, please, can we talk?" I try to move so that I can see her.

"How's this?" She moves out in front of the crack in the door, still latched by that tiny chain. "You lied to me. You lied to me about god knows how many things. And that isn't even the worst part, it was all just some scheme to fuck me. I thought we were friends. I liked you, but you didn't like me. You wanted to fuck. " She crosses her arms and scoffs at me. That last part really hurt. It felt like a dagger to my heart because it's not that way this time.

"No, Lily, that's not it." I stand firm on this one. "Just let me in so we can talk?" I turn my head around the hall to see a few faces looking back at me. "In private?"

"No, you cannot come in. I think it'd be better if you left right now because this is one battle that your charisma can't win for you, Ashton."

"Lily-" I whine. She grabs ahold of the door once more.

"And to think, I was actually starting to like you." She frowns and shakes her head before shutting the door on me. I am left in the hallway with a bunch of our neighbors watching. The thing is, we weren't even being that loud. They just seem to have nothing to do. I shake my head and clench my fists and jaw before storming back to my apartment. I'm so hurt and I'm so mad at the same time. I'm so mad at that girl and I'm so hurt at the things that Lily said to me. I don't know why I'm mad at them though. It's all my fault. I was such a terrible person, though I'm trying to get better. Those things would've been true about a month or two ago, they aren't now. After that first time that I saw her at that party—when we ran away into tue night and sat by the water and talked whilst drinking a bottle of wine—I changed. I changed for the better and she doesn't even know that because that's all she knows about me. That's the only 'me' that she knows because she didn't experience the old me. The me that would go up to a girl and sweet talk them until they inevitably slept with me, most of the time, within that day. I really didn't care about any of them either, that's the fucking thing. I didn't fucking care about them and I didn't see anything wrong with that lifestyle. I don't even know why I did it, all I know is the reason why I stopped. Her. I looked at her beautiful and glossy green eyes from across the crowded room at the stuffy cocktail party and something inside me changed. It was like a switch inside my chest just clicked and everything changed tracks within me. It was all fate driven, me seeing her, walking over, not being able to think of a good pickup line. Her laughing and agreeing to come with me and us hanging out the night and day after, drinking wine and listening to records and unpacking her things together.