the girl from archenland | narnia

Chapter Twelve

Once Susan left Nenya just lay on the bed, unsure what to do with herself. She tossed and turned, consecutively to hot or too cold to relax.

Finally, someone knocked on the door, breaking the silence.

"Who is it?" She called, sitting up as she completely gave up on sleeping.

"It's me, Peter."

Nenya didn't move. She wasn't sure what she should do. The logical part of her brain screamed for her not to let him in. She wanted to though. She really did. So she did nothing, frozen and refusing to choose, she didn't answer at all.

"Nenya?"

She still didn't answer, unsure of what to do.

Peter sighed. "Listen, I get if you don't want to talk right now. I'll be around when you are ready to talk though. And... I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

Nenya quietly slipped from the bed and tiptoed to the door, leaning with one hand against it she waited.

"I'll sort things out with Edmund and we'll figure it out. I shouldn't have fought with him last night, I wasn't thinking."

Nenya knew what she had to do, she just wasn't sure she was strong enough to do it, she hadn't been last time.

"We'll make it all work. All of it." Peter finished.

She had to do this. Taking a deep breath Nenya opened the door enough to step out into the corridor, however she didn't move.

"Peter," her voice was still steady for now. "This is my fault. I really, really care about you and you know that... but..." she trailed off, biting her lip and steeling herself for the next part.

"Nenya, it's not-"

"Peter!" she interrupted him. "This," she motioned to the two of them. "Us. Will never work. We are too similar. We could be friends but anything more would only end in both of us hurt. And I care too much about you to do that." she closed her eyes for a moment as she tried to find the next words.

"Nenya, I... I know. I know this is hard, but wouldn't it be worth some pain if we made it work?"

Nenya shook her head. "No, because it never will. And I can't justify making a choice like that if it means hurting you."

Peter's face changed as he saw she was serious. He nodded. "If that's what you want."

It's not!  her head screamed. "It is," she said aloud. 

So she stood there, knowing she could change it in a moment if she just said a single world, but knowing she couldn't. This time she had to make the right choice.

And so she could only watch as Peter Pevensie turned and walked out of her room, and out of her life.

Of course, that was dramatic, she would still see him, as long as she lived anywhere near the castle here or in Archenland, but they could never be more than friends, and after this, she doubted they could ever be even that.

But he would understand in the end, why she had had to do it. Too many people had walked out of her life, too many people had left her, and she wasn't willing to let Peter have the chance of making his way deep into her heart only to walk away when he realized it wouldn't work.

So Nenya had made that decision for him, opening the door wide opened and offering him an out. And the part that hurt her the most, was that he hadn't even put up that much of a fight.

Maybe he realized it too. And maybe it was for the best.

That didn't change the fact that it hurt though. And it did.