His Princess, Without Him [Book 2]

#42 Like a band aid

Niall's P.O.V.

Altough I slept better than I had in months, my body got used to the interupted sleep scheduale I created for myself over the past months. I woke up about five times and everytime I snuck out of my bedroom and went to Lauren's room, just to see if she was still there and if she was sleeping through the night. 

The first two times I hadn't even realized I was walking towards her room until my hand touched the doorknob. Those times I also sat down, on the floor next to her dollhouse and just smiled like a madman at my little princess. 

She looked so utterly peacefull as I replayed all of the memories me and her shared together, the good and the bad ones. And as I saw her sleeping I started to thing about the fact that she didn't need me as much as she had before they took her from me.
She could sleep my herself without crying from bad dreams and from what I heard she didn't really have them anymore after the therapy sessions she was forced to go to. She learned to give everything that happened to her a place and locked it away in a far, far away part of her memories. All I could do now, was make sure those memories would never be brought back into the light of day again. 

"Niall.. What's wrong?" Emma's sleepy voice interupted my thoughts as she slowly sat down next to me the second time I went to Lauren's room. 

"I just couldn't help myself, I had to make sure she was still here and okay." I admitted softly, hoping we wouldn't wake Lauren up, so she would at least get a good night sleep. 

"Am I crazy for doing this." I waved my hand towards Lauren and back to me. "I know I should just be sleeping but every fiber in my body is telling me to stay here, to make sure she won't leave me again." I whispered and felt Emma's fingers wrap around my wrist to calm me down. 

"I don't think you can classify this as crazy. I guess it's like... Parents of newborns do shit like this too. Make sure their... their child is still breathing and such. I know she is seven already but in a way she is your-" I looked down to my knees as I realized how hard it still was for Emma to say the word 'baby' while for me it seemed as easy as drawing my next breath.

In every conversation the word could be used, she choose to use anything but that four letter word. In that moment I vowed to myself to not use the word as well until Emma was ready for it again. She needed my support in this more than I would ever understand.

"I know what you mean, thanks for being here princess." I whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek softly. 
"You should just go back to bed, you've had a long day and I don't want you to feel obligated to miss a good night's sleep over me obsessing." I hoped she wouldn't resent me for having Lauren as my baby, while she had just lost her first.

If I would, I would do anything to turn back time and meet Emma before I adopted Lauren so we could legally, be her parents together. I could still talk to Emma about also adopting Lauren so she would officially be her mother, but I was afraid to push her into things she wasn't quite ready for yet. We just moved in together which was rushed and kind of an ultimatum, and I knew Emma had been doubting even accepting the request to sign for temporary care-taker while I would be on tour.

"Only if you come with me. You need the sleep more than I do and we both know it. So either you come with me to bed or I will stay here with you." she looked at me with so much love I almost couldn't help myself to ask her to be with me forever. We were together for not ever a year but what a year it had been. I knew I was ready to officially settle down with both of my girls but I knew Emma was still way too busy with everything else life had to offer her so seriously think about this.

I knew she loved me, more and more every day but I wasn't sure if she was ready for those commitments yet. Maybe she would say yes, because she felt pressured in a way but I couldn't and wouldn't do that do her. 
If I were to ask her that question, I wanted her to answer honestly, because she truly wanted to and not because she thought it would be what I wantend and what was best for our current family situation.