Andy's Pov:
It had been a few days since Rye had gotten upset. He hadn't really spoken to me since, I think he had just been more focused on fixing things with Hayley which I understand. I loved seeing him happy. and I couldn't wait to be happy myself.
Ivy was due home tomorrow and we were planning a party for her and Harvey as they had been away for 2 months in total. they came back for a day or two in between dates if they were close by. but it wasn't really enough. I missed her more than ever, I wasn't really getting any kind of comfort or attention from anyone because rye was with Hayley, brook was with jack and mikey was always out with Robbie recently I don't really know why...
I just really miss ivy and its difficult because I feel like no one else understands me when I say that I miss her because they haven't experienced it. its tough. And that's why, when I was talking to I was so engaged in the conversation and living in the moment because in know that their was no one that I loved more than rye.
I mean... except Ivy.
I was so lost in thought that I didn't even realise I had been crying.
at least not until brook came in and snapped me out of my thoughts. "Andy? hey andy, you okay mate?" he said while lightly tapping my shoulder. "what? oh yeah im good. just thinking" "about what? he asked "rye". Shit. why did I say that.
Brook's Pov:
what did he just say? we cant go back to this again. "uh.. and the rest of you. just thinking about how nice it is seeing you all so happy." Andy quickly said.. Hes lying. Why?
"mate come on talk to me. what's going on. you know you can tell me right?." i'd been there for Andy and rye since the beginning when it was just the three of us. Id seen everything. maybe I knew the two of them too much though.
"Brook I don't know what's wrong with me. I know that I miss ivy I know that. but it shouldn't have this effect on me. I shoukd be missing her and craving her love and effection. I should be wanting her to be home so I can be with her properly again. but I don't. I want to be with her so that thhings can go back to normal because at the minuet all I crave is rye. and I shouldn't be saying this because I don't feel that way about him but hes a safe place for me and I crave his attention all the time. I think hes just filling a void while ivy isn't here. and I sound like im saying thst im using him but im not. im really not. I just get so lost in the moment when im with him and ivy isn't here. but I love her brook. fuck I love her so much and id be so lost without her. shes the love of my life. and I don't know why Im feeling like this" by the time andy had done, I was lost for words. how do I even help someone in this kind of situation. personally I ship randy. more than anyone but I knew it wssnt actually real it was just all for the fans.
I mean it may also have something to do with the fact that I don't belive that ivy loves andy as much as she claims. hes helped with her career so much its unreal and I think she loves him mainly for that reason. I don't know what her intentions are but I will find out.
"Andy, can you do me a favour?" "yeah what's up?" he asked me. "tell me why you crave ryes attention. what is it about him that makes you feel safe." "why?" he asked sounding so confused. "just do it okay" "okay...."
"basically, I don't even know why properly. I just know that in another world I am his and he is mine. but here, I know that I can go to him with any of my problems. I know that he would do anything to make all of the bad things go away. he'd put my own problems before his own. he'd stay with me forever if it meant that I would be okay again.. I sound so stupi-"
"no carry on" I cut him off before he could say he would stop.
Andy's Pov:
I wasn't sure why brook was making me do this but it was kind of nice, getting it all out and talking to someone who wants to hear it. so I carry on.
"he's helped me through so much its indescribable. he makes all of my insecurities just go away and I feel myself whenever im around him. I don't know if its because for a period of time it was just the two of us so we only had each other. he became my rock. and then you joined the band and somehow we became closer. we knew exactly how the other was wired and what we like and disliked. and we figured that out when we were teaching you he ropes of roadtrip. he knows everything about me brook. more than anyone and I don't think id have it any other way." I realised after this that id probably said too much.
"okay, now tell me why you don't have these kinds of feelings for ivy" brook asked, giving me a look suggesting that it was okay to talk about it.
"brook my love for ivy is so different. I cant imagine her being with someone else. and I cant imagine my life without her. she makes me want to push all my problems aside and help her. but then I get stuck in this place where I have no one to talk to about my own problems because I don't want to pester her." "Andy.." brook said in a concerned voice.
"yeah?" I replied in confusion. "think of rye for me.. what does it make you feel?" "happy, loved, safe" "okay now think of ivy" "in love, confused, scared" "ok" brook said as he sighed. "brook what are you doing?" I ask as I watch brook go over to the window. "Andy, think of your happiest time with rye. and how you felt at that time" "ok" "now, tell me that time, and tell me how you feel about it now.." "That summer night.. you know. and I feel the same brook. but I don't usually and this is what I mean."
"Andy... you cant go there again. don't do it to yourself" brook said as he patted me on the back and left the room.
he was right. I know he was. I need to push all of this aside. ivy is due home tomorrow anyway so all of this will go away.
I pick up my phone to facetime ivy to check that she has had a good day, seeing her face should make all of this go away.
I hope it does.
