Ocean Eyes • g.d

Chapter 9• Dear Mum,

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Dear Mum,

I don't know where to start. Let me tell you about New Jersey. I hate the move. London was home- you were home. Not this place, there's too much greenery, I can breathe too well - not enough smoke - or industraliation. Not like London. We are doing work at a family called the Dolan's house, and they are really nice. The kids are slightly older than me, and they have a good relationship with their mum. Nothing like us though, we were always the best. The youngest child, Grayson, is really sweet. He looks after me, and takes me on adventures. We went cliff jumping. I went in the water. He told me you pushed me, he said you're always here. I believe him. He knows just what to say, when to say it. He's also now my boyfriend. He makes me happy, and I know you would be happy too. But I'm still not as happy as you make me.

Im sure you can see it all. The smoking, the drinking, the rebellion. And I'm sorry. I try to convince myself you won't be bothered, you'd be happy I'm having fun. But I know you look at me, disappointed. I know you're disappointed that this is what I've resorted too, and I'm stopping, for your sake and no one else's. I don't care what dad says. He's the one that ran away from our problems. He's the one that could've done something for us to stay nearer you. He's the disappointment. He's the one who convinced you relief work would help you fulfill your alleged „compassion for mankind". I'll never forgive him for essentially killing you, while all you were doing was trying to help people. I'll never forgive him for putting me to bed early the night you left, so I hardly got to say goodbye. He convinced me I'd see you again. That man has no ounce of my trust.
And now he's stopping me from seeing Grayson. I need to, Mum, I need to see him. Without you, he's the one making me crack a slight smile each day.

I will be ok, I need time to heal. Healing would be easier back home, but I can make do. I will be ok, but never fully. There will always be a missing part of me, and it's you. I don't want pity, i need consolation, I need a someone to guide me. And at the moment, as you can see, dad's doing a pretty shit job.

Stay close to me, please. Watch over me, please. Guide me, I beg.

I miss you

M