Bring It Back

what hurts the most

Harry Styles Continues to Attend Therapy

december 8th, 2016

"Norah?"

The sound of the familiar voice from behind her calling her name is enough for her to clutch onto the psychology textbook pushed against her chest. As if that's somehow going to save her from the interaction she has been desperately trying to avoid for–how long has it been now? A month? Two months?

Either way, her time is up. Whether a month has passed or not, it's time to halt her counting now, because the streak has officially been broken.

"Hi, Lucas," she says in a voice that isn't her own as she turns around to face him. She debates over whether or not to smile at him, but then she decides against it. With him, just one small action like that will somehow be used against her, she knows it. They both do.

When he realizes that Norah isn't going to hug him back, he rocks back on his feet awkwardly a couple of times before saying, "Where have you been? I haven't seen you in forever."

"Well–"

"Have you been avoiding me on purpose?" he asks her. "Jesus, Norah, what did I do to you?"

Well, when he says it like that, his words make her feel a lot more guilty than she was planning on being. What did he do to her? Well, for starters, he embarrassed her in front of Harry. He was rude to Harry. But she's pretty sure that the main reason she's been avoiding him is because of what Liz has been reminding her nonstop since last year: that he's into her. And, of course, she can't exactly tell him that.

"I wasn't trying to avoid you," Norah lies. She wonders if he can see right through her. If that's supposed to mean something. "I've just....I've just been really busy lately."

"With school?" he asks her.

"Yes, that is definitely a factor." She regrets the words the minute they leave her mouth. Why didn't she just say yes like a normal person? Maybe then he would leave her alone and she wouldn't be forced to engage in this uncomfortable conversation for any longer.

"And what about your new boyfriend?"

Well. There it is.

Norah decides to play dumb–she's never been all that good at thinking on her feet. "Boyfriend?" she repeats. "I don't think I know what you're talking about."

Lucas rolls his eyes at her. "Do you think I'm an idiot, Norah? I'm talking about you and Harry Styles."

"First of all, it's just Harry," she informs him. "You don't need to keep on calling him by his full name every time you refer to him. He's a person, not some product."

He scoffs.

"And second of all," she continues. "He's not my boyfriend."

Technically, this isn't even a lie. The two of them haven't had the conversation yet, although she basically considers him to be hers. She knows that neither of them are going around sleeping with other people, so that pretty much means that he's her boyfriend, right? She hates the uncertainty, which is something she's never experienced before. Norah's only ever had three boyfriends, and none of them were ever this complicated. She would feel weird asking Harry about putting a label on their relationship. What if he rejects her? What if he tells her that he only wants her for a hookup, and no more? But more importantly, why is she even thinking about all of this right now?

See, this is why she's been avoiding Lucas, because this is the kind of paranoid wreck he turns her into whenever she's around him.

"Boyfriend, fuck buddy, I don't care what you're calling it," Lucas says. "He's the reason why you've been avoiding me, right? Has he told you not to hang out around me anymore?"