DOUBLE STANDARDS

Chapter 3

CASH
Living in a household like this the adult is always right. I loved my uncle but I saw at a young age what he was trying to mold me and my little brothers into and I had different plans for us. We were all smart enough to be placed in one of those white folks schools 'cross town but since we were project babies we were enrolled in project baby schools. Yea I wouldn't mind trading in them Jordans and Polos for a pair of Dockers and uniform shirts, especially if that meant I didn't have to worry about getting killed by the police before my eighteenth birthday. But I had to play the part until I was old enough to get us up out of the hood. So I sagged my pants and spoke like I didn't know the difference between there and their. I'd be damned if I would allow another man to make me feel as if I was obligated to be stuck here just because I wasn't scared to follow a dream that didn't contain rapping or selling drugs. I wanted to be an inventor and that meant I had to keep my dream a secret until I was able to fulfill my purpose and goal in life. I wanted to invest in stocks have excellent credit and have black cards instead of my entire months salary in my hand as I took a picture. But I couldn't let none of my friends and especially my uncle know my thoughts. I was labeled a Uncle Tom because I'd rather skip skipping instead of school. I would lay in bed at night and listen to J man praise my uncle like he could do no wrong.  In the hood it was ok when women called little boys younger than 13 their little boyfriends but if a man were to say where my little girlfriend at he was a pedophile. I understood that both were wrong but J man who was still in the learning stage of his life thought he was a man now. He thought that just because he felt a woman's mouth on him he knew how to handle his dick and a woman for that matter. He thought that this meant he had to answer to none of my rules anymore and that's how we started to clash a lot. My little brother who still pissed himself after he watched "Thriller" thought he was his own rule maker and my uncle enabled him. Not questioning when he'd come in at the age of ten high as a kite. Him laughing because he was high and Brit laughing cause J man was laughing. I'd try to put my foot down but my uncle would say "Leave the lil nigga alone he good in them streets." Yea I was worried about his safety but I was trying to protect his innocence. Trying to secure his brain while it was still developing and attempting to guard his heart before it turned cold. Yea my uncle was right people do have different perspectives on life. While he thought he was making me and my brothers men, I thought he was making it harder for us to see other  opportunities we could have. I thought he was giving us too much freedom because he thought we'd respect him more. J man and Brit jumped at the opportunity to smoke weed, stay out late or do other senseless shit. I used my time to meditate, read up on world events and even study up on ways to redirect their minds. I fed my mind with an abundance of knowledge and fed my temple with an abundance of nutritional value. I was determined to stick to the plan I had. Nothing could knock me off of my course, well at least I thought nothing could.

Brit
They think just because I laugh all the time I don't know when to be serious. I laugh all the time so no one will notice that I'm hurting. I laugh all the time so no one will notice that I need help. I laugh all the time because I'm a man and I know how to protect the women in my family. I'm younger than Cash but I'm taller than him. Most of the time I respect his word but overall Ima do what I want to especially since my uncle let me. He allows J man to do whatever because he's bringing J man up to be his right hand man. J mans young and dumb and has the potential to be a killer because he's reckless. Unc is lenient on Cash because Cash is not like us he is smarter than any black kid I've ever met so he handles all of Uncs business. Me on the other hand he lets me do whatever I want because I know how to protect my family. It was one night on the weekend of my uncles turn to have Pooh. Cash was in his room under heavy meditation and J man was out somewhere running the streets. Me on the other hand was in the living room chilling laughing at reruns of Martin. Shit I ain't gon lie I was high as fuck but I knew what a zipper sounded like when I heard one. No big deal about hearing a zipper unless it's coming from yo sleeping cousins room that you just seen yo' uncle walk in through the tv. I sobered the fuck up and crept down the hallway praying that I was trippin'. My lil cousin was sound asleep while her daddy, her "protector" played with his self next to her bed. "What you doin' unc?" He looked at me like I was the one jackin off next to her and said, "I know what you thinkin lil nigga but I'm only wrong if I touch her." This nigga had all types of insane beliefs and even though I knew he was absolutely out of line I left her room. Head hung low because I didn't have the nuts to tell him to stop that nasty ass shit. I was staring at the commercials when I saw him walk down the hall towards where I sat on the couch. "You willing to protect yo' lil cousin I seen it in ya eyes nephew." I nodded my head and recited something he'd taught us, "We are put on this earth to take all the pain and hurt that women can't, we are designed to protect." He smiled at me stood and said "I'm proud of you a real man will do whatever it takes to protect the women in his family, always remember that." That was the first time he molested me. I told myself I had to let him do it to me because I didn't want him hurting Pooh and wouldn't let him hurt my brothers. That's why I laugh so much because that was the last real emotion I felt that night. That was the only thing he couldn't take away from me. So I laughed not because I didn't take life serious I laughed because i took life a little to serious. While my brothers thought I was the weakest link, I was indeed the strongest and I would do anything to protect them.

5 months later

J Man
I got high a lot more than ya' average ten year old. But it was a getaway for me I could block out anything when I was high. I'd been hustlin like a bitch and today I had enough money stacked up to get me what I had really been wanting, a white pearl and rose gold glock. I was determined to finally become the king of the streets. I was only ten and motha fuccas probably wouldn't take me serious but with my bitch on my hip and my brothers we was gon' run this shit. All we had to do was take out the head of the hood, too bad that nigga was our uncle. I paid attention and worshipped the ground he walked on, but the night I came home early with intentions to scare Brit I lost all respect for him. He was fuckin my brother and that fucked me up. So I smoked more and more to forget about it to stay numb and I grinded. I worked corners I paid attention to Cash when he whipped work and I paid attention to every soldier and spot my uncle ran because I knew I was about to take his empire over. He created this monster and he was gon' have to face this monster.