DOUBLE STANDARDS

Chapter 8

Cash
"Just make sure you put the money on my fucking books before tonight we got commissary tomorrow. l don't give a damn how tired you are........ you know what I'm sorry bae I had a long day just when you settle down take care of that for me." I'd been with Jordan for a few years now and she didn't deserve my attitude right now. This muslim shit had taught me patience and right now I needed it. I needed Brit to stay as calm as he could, I didn't want him telling Pooh shit until he thought all this shit out. He wasn't thinking rationally at all and i didn't want anyhting to interfere with the plans he had for his future. "Ok bae I apologize again and I appreciate it my love, try to get you some rest and I'ma call you tommorow, I love you too bye." I walked towards my cell replaying everything over in my head that was said at the visit. He needed to man the fuck up I would not allow him to mess up the plans that were already put together. "Whats up bunky how ya visit go?" my roommate said before I could even get in the door good enough. I carefully removed my still starched vistiation set from my body and folded it neatly placing it under my bed. "Man it was straight youngsta but like I told you before this jail shit is not what you want for yourself. I got shit out in the world that needs to be done and since I'm locked in this fuckin' cage I gotta depend on other mother fuckas to handle my business for me. I got lil' brothers that focus on surviving rather than living. I got a woman that does what I say but she not handling shit like I want her to. Look I'm telling you now if you like having motha fuckas tell you when to go eat, go to the sto', if you like motha fuckas lookin' at yo balls anytime they feel like it then keep coming back to this bitch. But if you want to handle yo' own business, if you want to be a man and live yo' life by yo' own rules then get the fuck out and stay the fuck out. Ain't nobody gon' tell you the real cause motha fuckas would rather see one another fail or stay in the same place before they see each other prosper. So you can either be a simp and stay in this bitch and live ya' life amongst nothing but niggas or you can go home and be a man and help ya' pregnant girlfriend and get to kno' ya seed before it's too late. I don't regret shit about my life but i do wish I would have done shit differently. I left my brothers $600,000 and they repaid me by getting me a $8,000 lawyer. Now if you can sit here with a straight face and tell me this the life you want to live then by all means get out and catch a murder charge gangsta. But if you not feelin' the lookin' over ya' shoulder shit soon as you make parole, then get it in ya mind now that fools are afraid of change and men befriend it." I rolled over it was only a hour past noon but I was done with today. I needed to rest my mind and forget about all the shit I encountered before the sun got up to brush it's teeth.

Tiffany

There is no easy way to say that you are born to be a certain way, born to meet certain people and born to do certain shit. I knew I had become who I had become not only for me, but in order to carry a plan out that was so strategically thought of that in the end everyone would feel played. I peeled away the bandages that the nurse at the emergency room had applied not even 2 hours ago and stepped into the shower. I was relieved that Brit had decided just to drop me off and not question anything, because the way my mind was set up at the very moment I would have told him every detail. The cab ride back home gave me alot of time to think. I needed to regroup, needed to figure out how to snap back from J man finding out about me sooner than I planned. That one flaw could mess up years of plotting, that one flaw could bring alot of questions from the both of them. I knew that as soon as J man got over the intitial shock of it all he would be calling me. The damage was already done and the oral sex I'd given him would definitely have him looking for me sooner than he would want to admit. Brit now knew about J man but J man didn't know about Brit and knowing the leash I had on him, J man would't find out about us until I wanted him to. As I let the warm water run down my body I thought of the days I had ahead of me. I had to speed things up, I didn't have much time left. I couldn't change the fact that J man had already found out about me, I just had to use it to my advantage. I knew that when a man's pride was challenged voluntarily or involuntarily he would bow down behind closed doors, but in public he had an image to uphold. Things needed to be done though and I was going to be sure I was available when he was ready to forgive me in private.

J man

There is no easy way to say this but I was starting to miss the bitch. I'd found myself about to call her to tell her let's talk but anger would stop me. I was standing on the block talking to my homeboys not paying attention to the conversation because Tiffany consumed my mind. I hadn't seen her in four days, this was the longest time in 8 months we'd gone without communication. "Aye yall watch the streets I'm bout to go lay down," I told the my young soldiers. They nodded eager to put their lives on the line for a life that didn't give a damn about them. This job just needed more dumb employees like themselves who were crazy enough to focus more on money and not their freedom. I walked up the two flights reminiscing that only days before Tiffany was behind me playfully grabbing my ass. This shit was not playa at all. I had finally told myself this bitch could be the one, finally stopped responding to bitches I'd fucked all for this. Fuck the fact that she was my brother, she was at the top of my list to settle down with and that is enough to crush a man beyond repair. I was never the type to worry about what another mother fucker thought. Everytime I wanted something I went after it with no hesitation. I picked up the phone nervous that it would just ring with no anwer but when I heard her voice I knew this would be one of those times. "Hey Tiff I really need to see you can I come by?"