Another Life

Chapter 24 - Anxiety

There was a certain point people started to collapse, get tired, shut down. So much they could take before their minds and their bodies started to shut down.

For me, it was just about there, and I knew that I needed a rest for a few days.

We rode to Isenguard soon. First, apparently, we'd eat. Theodan had said 'a few minutes', or more or less a medieval wording to that effect, but it had already been an hour. I'd had a bit too much time to feel the effect of the past week and I sat there, dazed, feeling my body physically start to react.

“You're not hungry?”

I blinked at Aragorn, who watched me closely, and nodded vaugely. “Guess I am. Tired too.”

Aragorn nodded in agreement, yawning, fatigue making his eyes cloudy even as he lifted his spoon to his mouth. Even Legolas seemed tired, sitting there, picking at the few fruit and vegetables that remained, face dirty, hair messy, surprisingly human looking.

Gimli was asleep on the table. All the food gone. He had ploughed through it and passed out.

We all sat in the Hall, men, surviving Elves, with more of us in the caves. Food was spread out, mostly soup and things that were hot and quick to prepare, sitting over the fires. It was more of a self-serve thing, the men moving up to feed themselves, the women somewhere else. There was this arid smell of smoke in the air, lingering under the smell of the pipes that some men smoked, and the smell of blood. Stress. Sweat.

When I tried to tell Gandalf, when I tried to let him know I couldn't take another fight, and I couldn't bring the energy to see anything of use, he didn't seem the least bit surprised.

“Soon, we will be able to rest.” He reassured me softly, drawing me aside.

“I know. I'm just letting you know... I'm a bit tired.”

I caught Eowyn staring at me. She moved away though, quickly, going to speak with Aragorn as he was packing a saddle pack for his horse. This wasn't good. I knew that. I was sure she'd heard the part about Faramir. I would see her being much more openly affectionate towards Aragorn and ...wonder. Was that because of me? Or was I being paranoid?

And on top of that, Boromir.

Now that he was here. Now that he was alive and breathing in front of me. The earlier 'I've got to save him' urge was long gone. I couldn't explain it, I couldn't even begin to understand why, but I was struggling to separate 'Boromir influenced under ring' from 'Boromir, the good guy'. And when he spoke to me, although I doubted Boromir noticed when I got tense, Legolas sure as hell did. The tension was really starting to build. Deep down my instinct told me that Legolas knew what had happened was far worse than Boromir punching me in the stomach.

I sat there, eating, these things rolling around in my head like a heavy stone, and the headache seriously didn't help much. I wanted to sleep but I didn't feel tired. It was just this feeling that I needed to sleep.

Things were starting to catch up to me. Post traumatic stress ...something? I didn't know what it was called.

“We are moving the horses.” I heard Eomer speak to his uncle, at one point, as he stopped to stand beside him. Maybe he looked the least bit exhausted here, who know, but maybe he was just one of those people who didn't look tired.

“Where to?”

“To-” Some place, some word I didn't quite catch, I had to assume it was the name of the valley or something. Eomer thumped his heart and moved away, putting his helm on as he moved past us, several people beside him.