MiniShaw - Kill These Feelings

Part 1 - Cuts and Confession

 

  *If you can't already tell there's a lot of triggering things in this, so please don't read if you have trouble with self-harm or drug use*

   

     Vikks POV:
  It's only two AM. I can totally take another Adderall to keep me going until I finish editing another video. When I swallowed the pill it made me realize how thirsty I am, so I start looking for my water. It had rolled all the way across the room and my phone began to ring as I grabbed it. Phone calls this late were not normal, and that's my excuse for bolting all the way into the bathroom in case I was being attacked. After deciding it was just my phone, I moved back to my desk to answer it.
  "Hey, it's me." For some reason I still occasionally answer calls with my intro.
  "Vikk, uh, I'm sorry it's so late..." A voice I recognized as Harry's despite it being very low and raspy responded.
  "What's wrong, mate?" I asked as about a million bad possibilities ran through my head.
  "I just... you're the only person I told about my cutting." He mumbled as I started to pull on my coat.
  "You're alone right now cause their still on the trip, right? Do you want me to come over?" I asked him already prepared to tell him I was coming no matter what.
  "No." He mumbled as I grabbed my keys.
  "I'm on my way." I told him as he started stuttering out a reason I didn't need to, but I just hung up.

   Harry's POV:
  All I wanted was to talk. There's no way I can clean up in time and I've not done laundry or cleaned my room in at least a week. Why do I keep fucking up? What will he think when he sees this place and sees me? Oh shit, my leg's been bleeding this whole time. I quickly jump in the shower and turn on the cold water to try and wake up some. He's coming over and there's blood on the floor and god knows what scattered around this place.

  I must've closed my eyes because I was now sitting on the shower floor shivering and could hear Vikk calling my name. He knows where the spare key is? I called out that I was in the bathroom and hurried to shut off the water and cover myself with a towel. I barely got myself standing before I slipped and hit the shower floor with a thud. He came running in with a panicked expression as he shut off the water.

  "Where are your towels? That water was fucking freezing and there's blood like everywhere and you're not even bothering to hide the beers and knives anymore!!" There he goes talking way faster than my brain can keep up. I point towards the towel cabinet.
  "They won't be back in like a few days. I can clean up by then." I say as he runs out and runs back in with a towel.
  "Those might need stitching. They definitely need cleaning. Did you black out or something?" He asks as I nod since that explains how I ended up on the bathroom floor.

  He grabs the first aid kit I'd left on the sink and he dabs some sort of cleaning stuff on the four newest gashes. He gets the gauze and asks what I did it with as I point to my favorite pocket knife that's on the floor where I dropped it. I can't feel anything, so I just stay still until he's satisfied with his cleaning and wrapping then help him walk me to my bed.
  I chuckle as he starts picking up some of the stuff. He looks over as I'm closing my eyes and I motion for him to stay with me. He may not be who I want to hold me, but any arms are more comfortable than none.
     
  "What's got you in such bad shape again?" Vikk asks.
  "I love Simon and I can't let that go." I tell Vikk as I feel him squeeze my hand as a way of reassurance.
  "I love someone too, but I've learned to let it go." Vik told me as we fell asleep together.