Seventeen Angst

The letter - Jihan

Dear Jeonghan,

Letting go...... Two words that are easy to say but hard to do especially if it involves you. Its hard to let the person you love the most go. But if its better for you, for us, im willing to let you go. Cause that's who I am, the one who always prioritize the feelings of others before myself.

I hate hurting you, trust me i really do. But I know if I didn't end things earlier it will only get worst. But always remember

'hannie no matter what happens I' ll always love you, even from afar I'm still loving you.'

The memories we shared are stuck in my head. I'm always going back in the past where in we were both still young and naive. When things were okay and as long as we have each other, nothing can stop us. But all of it changed.

Right now, I only hope you're doing better than I am. I hope you're not stuck in the past like I am. I hope you're out there making new memories with someone else. With someone who can treat you better, someone who can make you happier.

At the same time hannie, im sorry, for everything, im sorry for hurting you. But I did it for you. I did it because I want you to hate me, I want you to forget about me. Please promise me, that you'll forget about me and move on.

I also want to thank you. Thank you for loving me, for all the memories that we shared. I'll keep them with me forever. I won't and never will regret loving you. Until now, you're still the person I love the most. And that's the thing that will never change.

Until then hannie, I know when you read this letter im no longer here. Im sorry for not telling, I just can't imagine you hurting when you knew that im dying. Having a brain cancer is really a pain.

The day i was diagnosed with stage 3 brain cancer I didn't know what to do. That day I promised myself that I'll stau with everytime until the day I die. But as time passes my time here becomes short, right now I only have a day to live. I spent it all thinking about you and writting this letter.

Hannie, I love you always remember that. Even if im already gone in this world, I'll still love you wherever im going. I'll still think about you. Im leaving this world with no regrets because you're the person that comes in my head. My last wish is for you to be happy. Goodbye hannie. Thank you for everything. I love you.

Forever yours, Joshua.

        Tears streamed down Jeonghan's face after reading the letter that he recieved from the late Joshua his boy-friend or maybe ex boyfriend, he was devastated, he was clutching the paper so hard that it almost ripped. Behind him was seungcheol who knew everything and gave the letter to him.

"You knew everything right?" Jeonghn asked not turning his back to the other.

           Seungcheol hesitated but still muttered a soft 'yes' which jeonghan heard clearly. With that Jeonghan felt a little bit upset about that and gestured to him that he wanted to be alone for a moment which Seungcheol obeyed and went out a bit even though he was still worried about Jeonghan.

            Jeonghan on the other hand continued crying while opening the box that came from joshua, all of it was full of pictures of the two of them from the day when they were still bestfriends until to the day where they both ended it.

"You could have just told me. I would've never left you alone by then, we could have fought that trial together. Why? Why didn't you say something!? Why......" Jeonghan said clutching those photos in his hands. But he knew their was no point and that Joshua was still gone, and he'll never come back...

"Despite what happened, i still can't hate you.. I still love you, and i will always.. That's why, im sorry for not fulfilling your wish for me to be happy. You are my happiness and you will always be.. That's why until then, I'll wait for you.. In our next life, please let's meet and love each other again, normally..." Jeonghan smiled bitterly at those photos, he promised to himself to only love Joshua in this lifetime and to wait for him util they meet again in there next life. Maybe then they will have a proper ending with loving each other forever....