Habit || huening kai

Habit 4

Habit 4

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Habit #4: Loving him

I was happy the moment I saw my phone, telling me that Kai is calling me. I was smiling when I answered the call.

But after I heard what he wants, my smile quickly turned upside down and a tear escaped from my eye. Then, a tear, and a tear, and a tear, until I started crying. I unconsciously let go of my phone and started sobbing loudly while shaking my head.

It can't be...

He can't just broke up with me and leave me when I completely fell for him. He can't just do that!

I need him...

I need him to tell me that he's just lying...

I need him to tell me that this is a whole joke...

I need him to tell me that he still loves me...

My sobs even got louder as time pass by.

I need him, I want him, I love him...

I rather wish that he's having a rougher time. He's having a rougher time because he regretted broking up with me. He's having a rougher time because he wants me too, he needs me too, and he loves me too.

I want him to think of me. I don't want him to think of everyone, but just me. I want him to think of me also, and not just me thinking of him.

Call me selfish, it's fine.

Because it's hard. It's so hard to think that I'm the only one who wants to be in this relationship. It's so hard to feel nothing. To feel that he's slowly slipping in your hand, even if your hold is tight. It's so hard to be forgotten. Forgotten by the only person who you cared for. Forgotten by the only person that you love.

I want to be okay too. I want to be feel loved. The love that I always wanted since I'm a kid. The love that my parents didn't gave. And the love that I didn't received from him. I want to be okay, to feel okay.

But why does the world have to be so cruel to me?! Why does the world need to punish me?! Why does the world can't just give me that love that I want?!

He became my world, the world that I'm expecting to take care of me and love me.

Why does it have to end like this? Everyone that I have in my life left me. Why does he need to leave me, too?

It's not my fault. Once I love, I just can't stop loving.

I feel like I'm losing...

I feel like an idiot...

An idiot to love him...

That eventually, turned to one of my several habits...

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And it ended just like that😂😂