Habit || huening kai

Habit 3

Habit 3

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Habit #3: Thinking of him

I woke up at 9:30 in the morning. I took quick shower and changed into a comfortable clothes.

I am currently sitting at dining room —waiting for my food, which I ordered awhile ago— while staring into nothingness.

I'm thinking of him, again. I'm thinking if he already woke up, ate, showered, or if he's fine. I'm thinking if he even still loves me.

I woke up from my trance when I heard the doorbell rung. I opened it, which turned out to be the delivery man, and I paid for my food.

I turned on the t.v. and watched some movies. And again, I called his name again to let him pick the movie. Then, I remembered that he's not here. So, I picked the movie and started eating.

It was ramen, though.

My mind diverted at him. I remembered that it's his favorite food. I smiled to myself, imagining his big smile if he's here.

But then, he's not here. And I need to always remind myself that he's not going to be here— that he can't be here.

Maybe, if calling his name didn't became my habit, he's not going to be angry at me. But then, I have plenty of habits that includes him.

I shook my head, agaaaiiin, and tried to focus on the movie. Keyword: tried.

My mind keeps thinking of him and his whereabouts.

It shouldn't end up like this. I told myself back then— before Kai and I started dating— that I should only love him.

Give my half attention to him, and the other one for myself. Give my half time to him, and the other one for myself. Give my half heart to him, and the other one for myself, too.

But it looks like that I gave my whole love to him, and only him.

I feel like I just lose at my own deal, and that is to give my half self to him, and the other half for myself. Turns out, I gave myself to him unconsciously, completely.

I made myself a complete idiot.

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