Sorrow's Promise

Chapter 21

I didn't sleep much that night. Tossing and turning, I kept replaying the events of the evening over again in my mind. When I closed my eyes, I could still see Aiden coming towards me with that look of hatred on his face, and even though my wounds were all healed and the blood washed away, the ghosts of them still haunted me. I kept feeling like if I touched my head or face there would still be something there.

When morning came around, I was lying on my stomach, staring blankly at the glaring red numbers on the clock. A knock came at the door, quiet at first. I ignored it, pulling my pillow out from under my head and curling my body around it. The next set of knocks was a little louder, and the next louder still.

"Meli!" Riku called through the door. I still didn't answer, and he knocked again. "Meli, I know you have to be awake. If you don't answer me I'm just going to come in, even if I have to break the door." I flinched, hugging the pillow tighter, but immediately heard him start to back pedal. "I mean, not like that..." The cringe was almost tangible in his voice. "I'm not mad at you, I'm just worried. I need to know you're okay."

Sighing heavily and rolling my eyes, I turned over and sat up, still holding the pillow. "Geez, Grim, calm down. I'm fine. You can come in if you want, the door's not locked."

The door opened and Riku stuck his head in. "You sure you're okay?" He didn't sound at all convinced. We had already been through this a hundred times before we went to bed, with him insisting on even sitting in the hall outside of the bathroom while I cleaned up, just in case I needed anything. It was sweet, but in the mood I was currently in, also annoying.

"I'm fine," I repeated. "Just peachy. But I don't feel like training today, so...I'm just gonna stay here for now."

Riku didn't say anything for a moment. Then he opened the door further and walked into the room, stopping to lean on one arm against the post at the foot of the bed. "Mind telling me why?" he asked gently.

"I just don't feel like it, okay?" I knew I was being overly sarcastic and unreasonable this morning, but I couldn't seem to help it. I gave the pillow a squeeze and buried my chin down into it.

"Okay," Riku replied softly. "Before I go, though, there's something I wanted to tell you. About last night...I'm sorry for making you so upset. Sometimes I don't know when to keep my mouth shut. If I hadn't said the things I did, you probably wouldn't have gone back there and none of this would have happened."

"And then I would have just kept on being in love with and loyal to a...what did you call him? Oh yeah, a good-for-nothing loser." I shrugged. "I don't blame you for any of it. You were right, and I was stupid. I'm not glad it happened, but at least now it's all over with."

"I don't think you were stupid," Riku countered. "Sometimes it's just...hard to see the people that we're close to objectively."

I sighed again, trying to piece together in my mind what was really bothering me this morning. "I guess I'm just...angry."

"As you have every right to be."

"At myself," I finished. Shaking my head, I imagined the scene in my head once again. "I mean, I saw him coming. I knew what he was going to do. And I just...stood there, and let him do it." Tears were burning my eyes again, but I blinked rapidly, refusing to let them fall. "All of this that I've been doing...all the skills I've learned...what good is it all if, when the time comes to actually defend myself, I just stand there like a...an idiot, and do nothing?"

"Hey," Riku soothed, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, facing me. "You can't blame yourself like that. The situation you were in was...emotionally charged. Your mind was probably going in a million different directions. This was not your typical 'enemy', so to speak, that you're used to defending yourself from. This was someone that...you cared about, and who was supposed to care about you. Fighting against the people you care about is...a whole different set of skills." He paused, looking at me with that same face full of concern that he had had the night before. "You've gotta stop blaming yourself for everything."

I huffed a laugh through the tears that had started to slide down my cheeks despite my best efforts. "You're one to talk," I quipped. "Don't think I didn't notice all the blame you put on yourself in that story about the worlds and the princesses and everything."

Riku looked away, a bit flustered at having the tables turned. "Well, most of that was actually my fault."

"No, most of it was the fault of the witch woman and the...Heartless dude. You may have made a few bad choices, but who hasn't? You were just a kid, and they were lying to you." I used my foot to nudge the arm he was leaning on. "So, you know, maybe you should take a little of your own advice."

"Okay," Riku replied with a small smile. "I'll try to do that, if you will, too. The only person we're going to blame for anything that happened last night is...him. Deal?"

I nodded, trying my best to take it to heart. "Deal."

"Which, by the way, I still have half a mind to get you to open a portal for me so that I can go find him and..." He bit the rest of his words off, but I could see exactly what he was thinking in the twist of his mouth. "I probably would have done so last night if I had thought you felt up to it. And...I still will, now, if you want me to."

I couldn't help but smile at his sincerity. "Thanks. I appreciate the thought. I think it's probably best if we both just stay here, though."

"Okay. Well, just let me know if you change your mind." Standing, Riku took a few steps towards the door. "About training this morning, too. If you don't feel like it still, that's fine, but if you change your mind later, we can still fit some in."

I let him walk closer to the door as I considered this, then spoke up just before he left. "When are you going to teach me to use dark powers?"

"Hmm?" Riku responded, turning back to me.

I knew he had heard me, and was probably just stalling to come up with a reply. "You said I would be able to use dark powers, but you haven't taught me any. I want to learn them," I stated firmly.

Riku sighed. "I haven't taught you any dark spells, because...it worries me. I don't want the darkness in your heart to grow from messing around with it too much."

"You said darkness wasn't always a bad thing," I pointed out.

"It is if it takes over your heart," he countered dryly. "That's kinda how Heartless are born."

I punched the pillow down onto the bed, not about to let this go. "If you can use dark powers without any problem, then I can, too. We'll take it slow, if it makes you feel better. But I want to learn something. Start with a dark corridor, maybe. That would definitely be useful, for both of us."

Riku crossed his arms and tried to look stern, but I could tell he knew he wasn't going to win this argument. "Fine," he conceded after a moment. "I'll teach you a dark corridor."

"This morning?" I pressed.

"Yes, this morning," he agreed reluctantly, tossing his hands in the air. "If you'll hurry up and get out of bed, that is."

I smiled triumphantly and swung my feet over the side of the bed. "Good. I'm up. But you'd better leave if you want me to actually get dressed. I'm not taking the chance that you can't really see more than you say you can."

Riku started to answer, his face turning bright red, but he couldn't seem to find the words. "I'll see you outside," he mumbled finally, and fled out the door.