what

march 15

Hi guys I was lucky enough to not die in my sleep so yay!! Mentally I feel somewhat better although I still want to ball my eyes out for no reason at all. Physically, everything hurts, I have a backache, headache and I just feel really weak in general. Even sitting up hurts let alone walking around. I really want to get better soon because I don't want to miss my concert on Monday :(

Anyway what kinda happened last night when I went to bed is; I started crying while going upstairs because of the way I felt and I had the feeling I was gonna drop everything by accident (my laptop and my drink) which luckily did not happen!! So then I stepped into my bed and turned off the lights etcetera and I just started crying. So much. It was giving me a really bad headache but I just couldn't stop crying. What I did is turn on some music and hoped it would calm me down, which it somewhat did. I was just laying on my side, finallyyy breathing less rapid and then my crush texted me (hi crush if you're reading this you know who you are I wanted to tell you later on but if you find out like this it'll be fine lol pls don't hate me) (if you're not reading this then great because I'll have more time to mentally prepare myself on telling you) and he asked me how I was doing. So I told him the truth; not usually something I'd do when I feel like shit. So he asked me if I wanted to call for a while so we did, we both stayed up until 11 pm and then both went to sleep. I'm telling you, it really helped me. So if by any chance you're reading this: thank you so much!!!!

It's currently 8.20 am and I'm thinking of staying home even though my parents want me to at least try, but I can't even walk so ehh I might just tell them that. I'm pretty sure they're gonna be really mad at me because of it but it's not something I'm in control of.

Anyway, I think I'm gonna stay home today and use today to actually rest in stead of getting more sick.

So I'll be heading back to sleep.

💕🧸