for the past few weeks, everything is not right for me. I get hurt easily, I get more sensitive. I get stressed out about little things. I fuck everything up. everything is not okay.
I sleep a lot, I don't come to school, I cry a lot, I don't do my homework, I don't study anymore, I don't care about my greds, I just don't give a fuck about anything.
I hate everyone. I hate my family. I hate my friends. I hate my teachers. I hate everyone who is not wrong.
I do a sin, I regret it. I know I should stop but I didn't. I do it and do it until I hate myself more and more.
it happens again. suicide, so many times suicidal thoughts walk on my mind.
should I kill myself tonight? how? should I cut myself? should I jump from a cliff? should I drown myself? should I just hang myself?
or should I kill myself tomorrow? or maybe I should wait, this is temporary, I will get better. but when?
why I fell apart again? why I lost myself?
this is new me. I'm changing to a bad person. I don't know who I am anymore. I just want my old self back.
I'm tired as hell, but I'm trying. I'm still trying to be a better person. I'm trying to stop the bad things. I'm still fighting with these demons. for how long? I don't know.
