The Loved One // KTH

Chapter 004: The Owner

Getting ready made Haewon nervous, she hadn't talked to strangers apart from Jungkook and rarely, the grocer as per Jaehyun's orders. She was thinking of what to say and how to say it, if the owner would let her have a copy of the book or if she would even find him.

Her route to the library was faster than usual, steps matching her accelerating heartbeat. It wasn't long before she found herself standing at the library's main entrance, the big wooden doors opened wide, people scurrying in and out. Holding onto the strap of her cross bag, Haewon released a breath she didn't know she was holding. She breathed in and out before marching into the vast building.

The book she had in hand didn't distract her from her rising anxiety as she hoped. Every time she tried to read a new paragraph, her eyes would instinctively look up towards the door then back to the old leather covered book in her bag, mind racing in a million thought. 

Reading was never that hard for her but every time she tried to focus, the words would seem to dissolve into thin air, as if you're hearing but not actually listening, looking but not actually seeing, respiring but not actually breathing.

Existing but not actually there.

Her breathing went shallow, she was only meeting a man but why did she feel so worried, was it the fear he wouldn't let her have the book? Or that it's another man she would talk to? Perhaps she has been deprived from social interaction for far too long to know how to initiate a conversation.

Most of all, she knew she wasn't afraid of getting caught, Jaehyun would never be there and even if, she wasn't afraid of another beating. The fear of getting a physical whacking was long gone just like the luminesce in her eyes.

Deep down, she knew it was the fear of not finding answers, the fear of remaining in that nonstopping cycle of pain and hunting til she rots in her grave, that was the real fear, not finding what you were always looking for. Haewon looked up from her book realizing that she would not gain a thing from running her eyes over sentences that her brain was too apprehensive to understand.

Blonde hair, was the first thing she noticed, her eyes widened and her mouth gaped to call for the man she was waiting for. Her tongue was trying to form incoherent words and her brain went marathon running. She got up from her chair, making it deadly screech against the marble floors, leaving everything behind, Haewon reached for the man holding onto the hem of his sleeve. What seemed like a thousand miles away was only a few steps ahead.

The blonde man felt a tug on his shirt, he looked back expecting a child of some sort only to find a beautiful woman holding ever so softly onto him, she had her eyes fixated to the ground but he could make up the structures of her face, delicate features, eyes hidden by both, chocolate coloured bangs and black cat-eye framed glasses. She muttered a few words he could barely hear but for her they felt like a head-splitting scream, "do you have a moment?" she said.

It wasn't long before Haewon found herself sitting at her table with the man in front of her, he had a kind smile on. His face put her at ease, he was very different from Jaehyun, he had a round face, round eyes, round nose and a round plump pair of lips, he looked peaceful. That encouraged her to start talking to him. Despite taking too long to start, that gracious smile never left his face, 'take all the time in the world,' it said.

"Go Haewon," she said quietly, breath hitching.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Go," he didn't mention his name, making Haewon more nervous. His eyes glinted with mischief as he pushed her more into talking with him.

"It's Mrs. Go," she spoke with enough sadness in her eyes to put off the twinkle in his.

Her hand reached for the worn out book in her bag, she held it to the table and slowly slid it to him. His eyes not failing to notice her slim shivering hands, "I believe this is yours?"

He looked at the book, scanned it and opened the first page to prove to her that he knew it was his when he didn't need to, "yes, ma'am I thought I lost it," he replied, smiling.

The man saw the desire in her eyes as she stared at the book, he noticed the letter that was now open in the book, he knew she read it and that she only craved for more.

"Do you want to read it?" He asked as her eyes lit up, her head turned up to him, saying a thousand reason to lust the book, a thousand reason of which he was dying to know but would never ask, as the look in her eyes has spoken of enough need that he had no more want of knowing, fearing the burden they carry.

As if he was watering a drought desert, he slid it back to her watching her eyes follow the book with his fingers wrapped around it through every move, "you can borrow it."

"Really?" she asked once more, not believing she could finally have it.

"I read it a hundred times already," he leaned back into his chair, taking a comfortable position, "you won't find a book like this at shops."

Before she could ask why, he replied to her unasked query, "it's a real book, my great grandfather wrote it to his beloved during the 18th century, I think."

Haewon's eyes glimmered, a real book, she thought, real love, she thought. As if she was a poorer given a pot of porridge during a polar Christmas night.

"It's a one of a kind," the blonde man said, leaning back in again before preparing to leave, "you can have it as much as you want Mrs. Go."

The man stood up, taking a few steps away already, Haewon was lost in thought, her tongue rolled quickly, "thank you, Mr-" she stopped, noticing she still didn't have his name but was soon reassured when his body turned back at her and spoke, 

"Kim," he continued, eyes full of peace and tranquility, "Kim Seokjin, ma'am and we'll meet again soon."

The man waved, leaving off to God knows where but Haewon didn't mind, she had the book in her grasp to read all she wanted. She smiled to herself genuinely, for the first time in a very long while.