Do I Wanna Know

Chapter 19

I don't understand it. I don't know why. I shouldn't even get mad because there was really nothing. I'm not going to be sad.

I run away before anyone could see me.

They're together? On the last days of school? On the last day of the month of mourning?

Yes, it's the last day of the month of May and the week continues to June. June 6th, the beginning of summer.

He's moving, why does he need to start a relationship? Why did I need to start a relationship?

Around the corner of Chesapeake Drive and Atter Court, a gloomy and dark alley it made, I saw my "lover", Forest, amongst the mouth of the dear innocent wretchedness of Cherish Norly.

It never happened to me before but there's always a first. I don't know how to feel nor what to do. So, I run to my house.

The funny thing is that I'm not crying like the people of the movies or the books would. I'm just running.

There is not burning feeling. Like as if I was betrayed.

Instead, I'm laughing. I'm laughing that my "kiss-friend" is kissing another lady. Tomorrow I'll probably get the news

So, I review the image I saw, Forest was kissing Cherish. Is that why they've been out of school lately? Were they ditching school together?

I shouldn't have questions but I do. I'm not mad. If Forest just told me about his feelings for her, I'd be fine. At least he'd tell me the truth. I wouldn't consider this cheating, but it seems like it would be. Oh, how I hope this haunts him forever.

All those smiles we made, those tears we shed, those times we spent. Fake.

It's probably all full of pity, this "relationship". Full of acting, lies, and drama that never was true. Full of bull shit.

I spend an hour full of deep thoughts about this. Now I just want to listen to anything funny to cheer me up, so I go to Paint's channel. After Ever After is the song I choose because I just know the lyric of it all.

Then the intro saddens me. Everything ends in lies, not just "Disney Tales".

That's it. I'm done.

I wrap myself with my blanket and take a long, comforting sleep.

_____

I wake up at 8, several minutes before my family starts eating. I take a quick shower and then head down to our dining table.

It is a silent supper with news headlines in the background. We slowly eat our white rice and our noodle soups.

I'm still feeling a little depressed of what happened earlier, so I became the first to finish, eating half of what I'd normally eat.

After that, I brush my teeth, then go back to bed. There's so much mixed emotions that I just had to write. So, I wrote a poem in my journal and drift off back to sleep. Writing isn't even comforting anymore. I just fall back to sleep.

z..z..z..

I wake up at 4 a.m. this morning. I'm currently reading The Catcher in the Rye. My teacher didn't like that book, she said, when she read it in high school. I like it. I read it back in middle school for fun and it was great. I read it again for school last year and now, I'm reading it again.

I feel that reading is more comfortable that sleeping and writing. At least I don't need to deal with my own choices. I know I made a devastating one when I kissed Forest. When I didn't learn.

I should have seen it when he cheated. I shouldn't have thought that real life fairy tales don't happen to people like me; ordinary. I guess no one is ordinary, but by ordinary, I mean not Wikipedia famous, or even school famous. I'm not lacking much things nor do I have a surplus of things.

It's fiction. The books are my love and I don't ever want to know what people feel. And if that means isolation, I'm fine with it. No friends either. They're worthless.

At least, I can do this temporarily, enough to lose everything so I can restart. Enough to start all over.