*WARNING: MATURE CONTENT*
I woke up in intense pain. My whole body ached and I couldn't move.
With great difficulty, I tried to recall the events of last night. I couldn't remember much.
I then saw I had no clothes on and when I turned I saw him sleeping beside me.
I suddenly felt so disgusted with myself that I pushed myself off the bed only to hit my head on the side table and fall with a loud 'thud'.
That was enough to wake Mark. I was still completely naked so I grabbed the blanket we were both sharing to cover myself.
I could see my clothes, or what remained of it, scattered across the floor.
Mark stood up and came towards my side of the bed. I pulled the blanket closer to cover myself and my shame. I saw the bedsheet covered in blood.
He wasn't dressed either. I lowered my gaze, searching my mind for my next steps.
But before I could, he came towards me, snatched the blanket from my grasp and threw it across the room.
My body started shaking with fear. My mind, thoughtless.
I hugged my knees to cover as much as I could."It's not like I haven't seen you already. Nothing to appreciate whatsoever." With that he took a hold of my right arm and pushed me on the bed again.
The horror didn't seem to end for a very long time.
He bit, scratched, clawed every part of my body.
And yet again, I couldn't find my voice. Yet again, I was frozen.
It felt like ages had passed when the horror ended.
I lay there, still, across the bed.
When he left, I couldn't find the strength to move.
After a very long time, when the mental lockdown was lifted, I dragged myself to the bathroom.
I turned on the shower and sat underneath it. I don't know how long I stayed still but I just let the water pour on me.
And then, I grabbed the soap and started rubbing it against my skin like a madwoman.I couldn't feel anything. I was numb.
I wrapped the towel around my body and came to the room in search of something to wear.
All I could find was his t-shirt and my gharara. I put it on and then wrapped my hijab on.
Before he could come and abuse me again, I ran out of the room and towards the lift.
When I reached my room, the door was already wide open and my aunt was sitting inside with a worried expression on her face.
I ran towards her and buried my face into her chest, tears streaming down my face.
"Where were you my dear? What happened? Is everything alright? We were all so worried about you! We tried calling you but you didn't have your phone, we searched the whole hotel! We even called some of your friends!"
I tried to say something, anything, but I couldn't. I just kept sobbing uncontrollably.
I was so tired and traumatized, that in the warmth and comfort of my aunt's arms, I slept like a baby.
When I woke up next, it was already dark outside. I must have slept for a very long time. My aunt was still by my side. She must have dozed off while she was waiting for me to wake up. As I tried to get up, she jerked up, wide awake.
"What happened, my dear? Is everything alright?"
I couldn't speak. Yet again. I just looked down.
"Speak, my dear. We won't know if you don't speak."
I couldn't. I just couldn't find my voice.
"I'll wait for you. Whenever you feel comfortable, do let me know!"
But I stayed quiet. Like a zombie.
My mother came the next day and took me home.
For a month, I couldn't speak. Everyone tried to talk to me but I couldn't get out of that state.
I barely ate. At night, I'd wake up from all the nightmares.
My friends flew all the way to my home, trying to convince me to speak. But it felt as if I'd lost my ability to speak.
I locked myself in my room for days.
My parents took me to a psychologist. She tried to talk to me as well. But I couldn't. I opened my mouth but the words didn't come out.
Once upon a time, there used to be a girl who was nicknamed the "chatterbox". Her name was Ameerah.
People used to beg her to stop with her nonsensical talks.
But she was a girl who ceased to exist.She was replaced by someone who could not even form words.
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Transcendence (A Muslim-Christian Story)
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