Transcendence (A Muslim-Christian Story)

Chapter 15: Losing control

Waking up the next morning, I wondered how I'd face Sebastian. How was I supposed to behave?

But somehow, nothing seemed different when I came face to face with him.

He still spoke to me with the same professional tone he used with everyone, not even once lifting the mask he donned so well all the time.

Strangely though, it put me at ease. I didn't want to be on friendly terms with him at work. It would just lead to a lot of unwanted attention, and probably drama too.

It was very clear that everyone here believed that Sebastian's standards were too high and no one here could match up to it.

Why only yesterday I would have very much agreed with all of them.

But now I knew that he's very different from what people assume about him.

Beneath all that cool demeanor, is someone who is lonely, finding difficulty to open up and let people in.

Sebastian never tried to scare anyone off, but his silence and success probably made people assume that he was too arrogant, like others were not worthy of him.

The next couple of days were uneventful.

Isa would sometimes call out "Bash-bash" out of the blue though. I guess it was the lack of a father figure, which made him grow so fond of Sebastian so quick.

I couldn't help but think about how easily they both got along. It was as if they'd known each other forever.
I smiled involuntarily.

Mama came and stood beside me. We both silently kept observing Isa playing with his neverending collection of cars.

Mama broke the silence.
"He is such a beautiful blessing from Allah! I can no more imagine a life without him."

"Yes, mama. If it weren't for him, I probably would never have gotten over that incident."

Mama turned her face towards me and with a little hesitancy in her voice, asked me "Would you like to talk to me about that day?"

I sighed. It still left me feeling uneasy every time I recalled that day, but I had definitely somewhat moved on from it. When I recalled it now, I wasn't reliving through it as I did before, it was more like a third person observation.

My mind had probably thought it was best to cut off any emotions attached to it.

So, after taking in a deep breath, I recounted everything from that day... the conference, the wedding, the rooftop, my mistakenly entering his room, our conversation, how he repeatedly kept stopping me from leaving, his accusation... and what followed she knew all too well.

After I had stopped, mama came forward and engulfed me in a big embrace, placing my head over her chest. Then I felt her chest rise and fall unevenly with her sobs and warm tears on my head.

My eyes filled with tears as well but I quickly wiped them away. I would no longer cry over spilt milk. Besides, I got Isa after that day. He was my miracle, my bundle of joy, my life.

She let go of me and we both again turned to see Isa.

Seeing him sitting there giggling, oblivious to everything around him and the ugly world out there, brought a sense of tranquility over me.

"When I saw Isa for the time, mama, with his beautiful strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes, I was relieved. Even though he looked nothing like me, he didn't look like that man either." I paused for a while, letting out a sigh. Then I countinued, "That man had blond hair and green eyes."

Mama smiled and said, "But he does resemble a certain someone a lot you know."

I just smiled, recalling Sebastian.

"We met him at the park again yesterday while you were at work, Amy. I didn't have the energy to run behind Isa and he gladly accepted to entertain that naughty boy! It was so good seeing both of them together. We talked for quite some time as well. He is a very good man, my dear. It's rare to come across such good people these days. It's like a light radiates from his face." Mama said.

I remained quite. I did trust him but it was too soon to comment for me. I didn't want to strike a friendship with anyone so soon, let alone my senior.

Though I had made some sort of peace with my past, I still wasn't ready to let go of the walls I'd put up.

It was Friday and the sun was out, finally, after what seemed like an eternity, instantly brightening my day.

The workload wasn't unusually heavy.

I was done with all the work and still had half an hour remaining till my shift ended. I peeked outside the window to find the sky clear.

After handing over all the patient details to Dr. Anjali, I left for home on foot. It usually took 12-15 minutes to reach home.

I had covered about a third of the distance, when, out of nowhere, it started raining. I quickly thought of my best plan of action. Go back or to go home. My clothes were slightly wet and I was feeling cold.

Since the harm was already done, I decided to just head home straight and get changed.

I was about to move forward when I heard a car honk behind me.

I turned to my left and saw a black car pull over and the window rolled down. It was Sebastian.

"Hello, Ameerah. Would you mind if I drop you to your home?" He said with an eager expression.

I didn't want to accept because I would end up ruining the car seat.

But when I saw his expression, I decided otherwise.

"Thank you very much." I said with a smile and opened the door, sitting and pulling my legs inside.

As soon as I closed the door, I saw that the drops got much bigger and it was almost like buckets of water were being poured from heaven. I made a silent prayer and thanked Allah.

Inside the car, it was very warm and comfortable.

We drove silently and it took about seven minutes to reach, thanks to the traffic.

As he pulled over, the rain was still pouring heavily.

Before I could decide, Sebastian spoke.
"Stay inside for a while. It's still raining heavily outside."

I wanted to just make a dash for my apartment, but my dress today was not the most appropriate for running. I'd most probably end up tripping myself and falling over my face.

I let out a sigh and nodded.

I turned to face him and said, "Will you be joining us tomorrow for lunch? Mama asked me to remind you of her invitation."

He smiled and said, "Yes, hopefully. Thank you."

I stared at him for a while. I still hadn't gotten used to him smiling. He looked so different, so... beautiful... Oh my Allah this is so haraam... "Astagfirullah" I mentally scolded myself.

"What?" I heard Sebastian say.

Oops, I guess I said it out loud...
"Oh it's nothing, just means 'I seek forgiveness from God.'"

He obviously looked at me with slight confusion, wondering what made me say it so suddenly out of the blue.

Luckily, the rain almost came to a stop , just in time to stop me from making anymore mistakes.

Facing him, I said, "Thank you for dropping me home. I'll see you tommorow then?"

"Sure, Amy."

My heart skipped a beat on hearing him say my name. What is wrong with me?