{ if you want some good emo hours and to really feel the chapter, i suggest listening to this while reading :') }
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namjoon's pov
i couldn't even think straight. i had awoken from the floor only a couple minutes ago, my head throbbing and my body sore. the immense pain surging through me was new, almost as if something broke inside of me. my breaths were coming out ragged and choked-up. i was so done with feeling like this. i was once happy, living day in and day out with a smile on my face and tears nonexistent. but now, not only was i going insane, but i was sure that smile i once had would never return.
as much as it hurt to think about these things, i knew it was true, i knew i couldn't go home at this point, and i knew that childhood i once had is only but a memory.
i rubbed my hands over my face again and again, trying to rid of the tiredness and dried tears. i had never felt so alone. i don't know why it took a breakdown to realize this, but i was completely and utterly alone. the silence was becoming too much at this point. at first, it seemed comforting, but the more i sat in its presence the more i wanted it to leave. all i wanted was someone, was that so hard to ask for? just someone to help me with everything i've lost: my personality, my happiness, my identity, everything...
i dragged my weakened body to the kitchen in search of anything to rid of my extremely dry throat. i raked my fingers along my neck, the itch still present in the back of my throat. i chugged my glass of water in an instant. however, the glass shattered against the modern tile as it slipped from my hand. a small yelp left my mouth at the sudden sound. my eyes focused on the kitchen window, straining and trying to determine whatever the hell i was seeing.
it's not real
the same pair of wings i had been seeing the past week were in full display, flapping slowly and proudly against the cold. a smile was present of the boy's face as if he were trying to create a comforting atmosphere. his head motioned for me to come outside, but i couldn't find the courage to do so. millions of thoughts raced in my mind and not one of them told me what to do. my body was just frozen still.
next thing i knew he was walking - hesitantly - towards my door. his wings drooped like they were ashamed. was this really what i was going to do?
yes...
i threw on my black hoodie, bracing myself for the disappointment i knew was about to occur. i opened the door to be met face-to-face with the most beautiful human being. his smile radiated pure joy, blonde hair swooped in a neat manner, the moonlight glistening off his silky white clothes. i had never seen someone more alluring. yet the more i stared, the more i expected him to fade away like last time. however, it was like he could read my mind, "i'm not leaving again, namjoon."
his voice- god his voice. compared to mine it was the most angelic thing i've ever heard. i could barley keep my voice above a mere whisper. i couldn't even get the words to flow from my mouth, it was almost impossible.
"namjoon, i know you're shocked, and quite frankly scared, but i'm not going to hurt you in any way. i just need to explain a couple things to you."
"i-i don't..i don't—"
"i know, it's a lot to take in. but please, please, just hear me out."
