Disorientation

Chapter Thirteen

The night sky acted as a midnight blanket hovering over my house in a peculiar way. I watched as the crest moon assembled with the stars in the sky. The only sounds heard right now was the cars on the road, the naturist trees swishing to and fro in the breeze and my flat screen TV with another episode of that F.R.I.E.N.D.S. sitcom projecting through the speakers. Even with me here stood on the balcony in tdeep thought I could still hear Ross and Rachel arguing about their untold love for one another, but even so, I didn't wanna turn my TV off. It was useful to keep as background noise as I pondered about my messed up life. I was so cold I could feel the goose bumps surfacing on my arm and neck, but I still didn't move, I couldn't. 

Grey Eyes was hurt. 

He was in a different location of which no-one knew about, probably fighting for his life or regretting ever stepping in to save mine. 

He should have let Ken attack me. 

Then Ken wouldn't be after him. Better yet he should have left Ryan alone, then Ryan wouldn't be after him either. But now they won, cos they've got what they wanted. Was I being reasonable here? Maybe this has nothing to do with me, it could easily be over a matter completely irrelevant. But I doubt it. 

It's been four days. 96 whole hours without any contact or communication, and I can't bare it. Since then I've produced the deepest cuts and scabs on my arms ever known to man. For everyday that past without him by my side, I'd cut the blade deeper, and it felt nice. I wanted him close to me, I wanna feel his warm vibrant skin next to mine. I want his careful fingers to caress my cheek like they always did. But what I wanted the most was to feel his soft, rounding lips crushing mine, with the urgency of how he always done it, like he couldn't get enough. I could picture his clear grey eye's in my head. His eyebrows always furrowed in a screwing manner, whether he was happy or not, which wasn't very likely. I released a great breath of despair and rested my head on the cold metal railings of my balcony. The sudden chill I received from the temperature didn't even cause me to flinch, just goes to show how numb I felt without him. 

"Aren't you cold?" I heard Z's calm, broken voice utter. 

"No." I mumbled. 

"Maybe you should put a jacket on." 

"I don't want one on," 

"You might catch a cold." 

"I don't care," I groaned in frustration, feeling mildly irritated that he cared so much about matters that weren't highly important. 

"I know you're pissed but don't take it out on me Erica, man ain't done nothing wrong." 

"Mmm." I shut my eyes and pictured Grey Eyes smiling a wide smile. It was a hard thing to muster, but I could imagine anything when I put my mind to it. I figured he'd have a cute dimple somewhere in the centre of his left cheek, like a ductile crevice you could practically swim in. His grey metal-like eyes would sparkle with the most shine ever possible. Not to mention his strong chiselled jawbone strained and rigid to support his widened lips. He'd look the part of a God if he smiled.  

I miss him. 

A thick piece of clothing was cascaded over me like an unexpected turmoil of up-chucked fabric. A pair of hands encircled my small frame followed by a gentle squeeze, indicating that everything was going to be okay. It was nice of Z to cover me with his fresh new hoody, not that I asked for it, but I was still grateful. 

"Thanks." I muttered, bringing my head up slowly to avoid a head rush. His gentle hands hugged me tighter as his face nuzzled in my neck. 

"It's okay." He replied quietly. After all these months of residing in this house, I never did understand how or why Z managed to climb over the balcony, like what strategy her used or whatever, but now I give up. Him turning up on my side of the balcony was as normal to me now as life itself. His lips rested on the crook of my neck, pressed against my skin like a considerate leech, taking care not to delve too deep into my flesh. He kissed my neck gently and I relaxed in his half-built arms.