Aham Brahmasmi

Grihast

Last night we got into an unplanned game.Mom and son shared secrets about dad and daughter while they sat in their corner and did the same. Giggle fits galore while we guessed what was being said about us. Ten minutes into the game me and my better half shared a look as we hit a realization simultaneously. All the guesses were about negative things and rightfully so, the secrets we shared were also negative.

"Papa snores."

"Bro has stinky feet."

"Sis is a cry baby."

"Mom screams for no reason."

etc.

We imagine that if two people are talking behind my back, then it can't be positive. And it follows this way at school, at work even inside our homes. 

At the same time whenever we decide to talk about a third person we always find negative things to discuss. Because... no one is going to tell them.

In such a situation, how do we trust anyone? If a person takes time and effort to find flaws and discuss them with others rather than with me, then how can I trust them and share my problems with them?

According to the Vedas, the concept of family was a step toward achieving divinity. When you are a  child of learning age you follow the life of a disciple and learn to be useful to the universe. Brahma(universe) charya(behaviour).

When you can be considered able enough to take responsibility of a family, your guru will give permission for you to step into the next stage of matrimony. Becoming Grihasta.

The practice of learning to treat another person the same as you. Only when you learn to treat people around you with the same devotion as you would treat yourself and your god, will you be a Grihasta. Educating young children with these qualities before sending them out into the world is the duty of this person. Only after completing the duties of a Grishta can a person walk around the world spreading the teachings of the Vedas, teaching his honed skill to students, creating another generation of responsible adults who will know to respect the universe and its particles as god.

Lets jump back here to "treat a person the same as you." 

I respect myself for the effort I take in life, I care for myself physically and emotionally, hence I tend to shield myself from pain, hurt, failure. I keep myself in high regard, value my own ideas, mull over them. Because I have trained myself to become either successful or responsible or rich or a mix of it all. I have kept myself from bad habits, it takes efforts to deny a chance to rebel and I have shown grit in standing up for myself. 

Now twenty something years later, or more...A person is introduced to me and I have to treat them as I would treat myself. Difficult?

They may not be as attractive, as assertive, as polite, as educated, as strong willed or as considerate as I am. Because its a different person altogether. Also, I am judging this other person from where I stand. Education may not be as important to them as caring for the people around them. Looking good may not be a priority to them over their thirst of knowledge. There can be infinite differences between two human beings. All except one. 

That they are part of this universe. Created by the same spark which created us. Which we call GOD. Some god whichever form they have accepted, maybe haven't accepted. But they are still created and hence alive and breathing.

The first step in the path of becoming a family is becoming a partner who strives to maintain this equality. Who tries to find good and encourage it. And when they encounter the not so good, they gently try to turn it around. We learn to love before we learn to trust. We have to walk with love and reach towards trust.

This applies to every bond that we tie when we enter into a family. We concentrate so much on ceremonies these days, that the person concerned takes a backseat. While love for some relations sprouts immediately, for a lot of others, patience is the key. Try once, try again and then again. Because you have learnt to give love and trust. The other person may not have...yet.

If only it were as easy to implement. I am in it for a decade and still each day , have to remind myself of this responsibility. Which a college degree couldn't teach me. Unfortunately not even my own family. This is self learning without a promised ceremony or date of graduation.

When spouses learn to trust each other, children will follow. If elders are respectful towards each other, children will follow. When families learn trust, the community will follow. 

Otherwise how can we call it a WORLD Family Day? When the world is not really family yet.

A/N - All that I write as part of this series are thoughts that I mull over after learning about them through a book or through a spiritual guide. I cannot call them my own. Because they have always been around. For thousands of years. This is like revising course material or homework for me.