ephemeral |o. dazai|

drunken loneliness // oneshot

[Name] hung onto Dazai, laughing as she swayed rhythmically to the booming music at the party. Both of them were fairly drunk, but it wouldn't be noticeable to the untrained eye.

A faint, entertained smile danced on Dazai's lips as his free hand gripped the woollen material of her jumper. While [Name] wore an oversized black jumper, sheer black tights, and thigh high boots, Dazai was simply wearing his work outfit, after all, he didn't really want to be at the party in the first place. He had learnt a new suicide method that he wanted to try. But no matter, he couldn't get home with [Name] being like this. She, meanwhile, entangled her fingers in his hair, giggling softly as she gingerly moved closer to him, trying to avoid the sweaty bodies of the drunken partygoers around them.

"You're really stiff." Her voice was barely audible. "You should relax, sir!"

Dazai gulped down the alcoholic concoction in his cup, throwing it aside before leaning down so she would be able to hear him better. "Then why don't we go home?"

[Name] frowned, tilting her head. "Aren't you enjoying yourself?" Now that she was paying attention, she noticed the indifferent and somewhat annoyed look flickering in his russet eye. Somewhat dejectedly, she unlatched herself from him.

He gave her a close eyed smile. "Of course I am!" He quickly glanced aside. "I'm going to go get us some more drinks!"

[Name] watched Dazai stroll towards the bar, ordering a couple of drinks. He never returned with them, though. Instead, he chugged both drinks before ordering two more, giving the extra drink to a woman who had approached him in a flirtatious manner. Her red painted lips were pulled into a seductive smile as she took a seat beside him, a hand lazily rested on his arm as the two talked. His hand found her hip as his lips brushed against her ear while he talked.

[Name] decided to look away and awkwardly wait on the dance floor for a while, but he didn't return. The party wasn't much fun when you don't know anyone there. Despondently, [Name] began trekking towards the exit, sighing heavily at the neglect of her boss. Did he forget about her that easily? If he didn't want to be around her, he could have just said so.

Unthinkingly, [Name] pushed the door open to a nearby bar, ordering some drink or another, she didn't quite remember, chugging it down too quick to taste it—or maybe she was just that drunk that she couldn't taste anything. Drinking alone wasn't fun either, it was just—lonely. At least with Dazai, the two could be lonely together.

She chuckled at the thought. "What a weird paradox." [Name]'s chest ached as she spat the words out bitterly. It ached, and yet, it didn't. What a strange feeling. It was a primal feeling of fear and regret; she had done something inexplicably wrong—but she had done nothing.

The aching feeling deep in her chest made her throat close up and she ordered another drink. Alcohol will solve it, it always does. It solves the paralysing loneliness of feeling like another face in the sea of people and the deep-set regret of simply existing. [Name] gulped down her drink again, the burning sensation in her throat soothing her somewhat. She'll find whatever man decides to approach her and spend the night with him. It was better than going home to her quiet, quiet apartment.

[Name] ordered another drink, chugging it down. "Maybe you should lay off the drinks?" A faint, familiar voice echoed behind her.

"Fuck off." Her words were slurred as she slammed down the empty whiskey glass onto the counter, ordering another beverage. Dazai frowned, taking a seat at the stool beside her.

"We should get you home." [Name]'s dulled [eye colour] gaze bored into him before her head lolled forward slightly.

"Did she reject you?" she drunkenly mumbled. Dazai laughed; so that's why she left. He shook his head, tugging her sleeve in an attempt to pull her out of her seat. She reluctantly complied, and Dazai slid a few notes to the bartender, his hand wrapping around her waist to support her staggering body.