ephemeral |o. dazai|

IX

[Name] was chewing her lip, staring at the black coffee in her mug as she absently glanced up at Dazai every now and then. "There's nothing to talk about," she murmured with an annoyed click of her tongue; it seemed the silence was getting to her.

"Let's talk about love." He noticed the sharp raise of her brow. "It's a good place to start, no? You can tell a lot about a person from what they're attached to. I'll start! I love..." he trailed off, thinking before speaking again. "I love suicide!" [Name] rolled her eyes but Dazai ignored the gesture as he continued. "I also love sake, sleeping, and annoying Kunikida!" Dazai leaned forward with a grin. "What does that say about me?"

"That you're an annoying person to work with?"

Dazai chuckled. "Your turn!"

"I love...sweets, sleep, and books?" [Name]'s response was reluctant and cautious.

"Oh, what kind of books?" She shifted uncomfortably at Dazai's genuine intrigue.

"They're stupid, really. They're mostly fiction." A small, pink blush decorated her cheeks from embarrassment. Dazai couldn't help but think she was adorable, her [eye colour] eyes were darting around nervously, the golden rays of the setting sun gave her a delicate glow.

"Such as?" [Name] bit her lip thoughtfully.

"There's this one book I was reading the other day," she began, but for some reason, she was talking like she was walking on eggshells. Her eyes would look up from the black beverage to gauge his expression as she attentively continued, "I was reading it the other day, it's not my first time, though. It's about a man looking back at his life and is filled with regret." Dazai saw her writhing hands. "He tried committing suicide twice, and he would act against what he wanted to do. For example, he had a passion for art, but his father wanted him to be a diplomat, so he went to university for that." [Name] leaned back on the cushioned seat, looking out the window with a bitter scoff. "The man spiralled into a depression and got institutionalised by the end of the book."

"How oddly relatable."

"I know, right?" [Name] laughed, pulling her cool cup to her lips, grimacing at the bitter taste. "The author killed himself after."

Dazai hummed leaning back, tapping his nails rhythmically against the tabletop. "That's certainly interesting."

"Oh, you don't have to try to make me feel better, sir."

"Dazai." He saw her look away in embarrassment as he continued. "I do genuinely think that, [Name]."

"You're just being nice." Dazai frowned at her dismissal of his opinion. Even if he was being nice and was just trying to validate her opinion, why would that be a bad thing? If anything, didn't it mean he cared enough to lie for her?

Another uncomfortable silence passed. "Why are you doing this?" [Name]'s voice came out in a broken whisper and Dazai looked at her. Her eyes were focused on the table in front of them and the rim of the mug was against her lips, still filled to the top with the bitter drink. Dazai feigned confusion. "Why are you taking your time to talk to me? Why are you buying me drinks and spending time with me?" Dazai tilted his head, confused.

"Because I care about you?"

"But I'm just your subordinate." Dazai bit his lip; she had a point, there was no particular reason for him to care about anything she had to say, but he felt a strange kinship to her. The despair and the fear of other people; he understood that. It seemed that she turned to fiction to find the companionship he saw in her, it was a shame that she couldn't find the comfort of knowing one wasn't alone in the deep-set depression she was experiencing.

"So?"

"Every interaction we've had was superficial, what about this—" she gestured to herself, "elicits empathy?"

Dazai looked her up and down. [Name]'s messy hair, her tired eyes, her recluse expression, everything about her current appearance made him feel some sympathy. He knew her; he had seen her vibrant and cheerful and filled with joy at one point in a faded memory. "What happened to you?" He carefully reached out, gingerly brushing her stray strands of hair behind her ear and away from her face. She looked at him before quickly looking away.

"I don't know," she responded with a wide, but strained, smile as she leaned into his touch tiredly, a somewhat surprising gesture to Dazai. "I just—I don't know."

He retracted his hand, standing abruptly. "Hey, hey! Did you hear?" His voice was filled with false gaiety, and [Name] stared at him, not believing his act. It was unnerving, but she didn't need to know that. "There's a fair coming to town!"

"I've never been to a fair." Dazai gasped melodramatically.

"What? How? Have you not lived?" His dramatic outburst made her chuckle softly. "We're going tomorrow! Even if I have to drag you there myself!" [Name] clicked her tongue, about to object. "No, no! I won't hear it! It's a date."

☁︎
this chapters a little short ik
it's just a transitional chapter i guess lol
hope you enjoyed it~