John - Why is life so cruel?

Losing his battle

It had been 3 years since Charlie had died. John had lost contact with everyone, both family and friends. He had become a heavy smoker, antidepressant addict, alcoholic and he had put on weight. He wore his shirts unbuttoned now as he didn't fit them otherwise. He drank a lot, mainly vodka, not for the taste, to help him sleep, he made himself pass out in order to sleep. He smoked 2-3 packs a day. His voice was so hoarse now, from being burnt by all the smoke. And he had antidepressants, which weren't working, but he felt like he needed. John never really left his flat. He just lay on his sofa. He occasionally had his hair cut and went fo shave his beard but that was about it. He ordered all his food to his house, which was usually dominos pizza or something like that. His flat smelt of cigarette smoke and alcohol. He usually smoked by the window. Whenever his phone rang he looked at who it was, knowing he wasn't going to pick up. It pained him, looking at Carlton's name pop up, knowing his friend was worried about him, or his mother. John don't want to talk to them because he was embarrassed at what he had become. He knew his mother and father would be disappointed, he knew is friends would be horrified, so he just never interacted with them.
The image of Charlie dying haunted every single one of his dreams. The sound of his head cracking on the floor of the floorboards and the feeling of the blood rushing out. But worst of all, the thump of his girlfriend falling, lifeless to the ground. He would wake up sweating, so to calm himself down, he would smoke a cigarette, whilst pouring the alcohol, then he would get the antidepressants, then he would order the food. And that was what many people later dubbed, his cycle of death.
He had begun to gain weight after Charlie first 'died' but hadn't really thought about it until now. Let me tell you, reader, that he had been gaining all throughout The Fourth Closet. Jessica had called him out on it but it had been in a very stressful moment in time where that had not been his top priority.
TFC: "I don't like mirrors." Charlie said, looking at him in the reflection.
"I know right, they add 10 pounds." John said.
"I think that's cameras." Jessica said.
"Well, mirrors add at least five."
"Maybe you just need to lose weight."
"Are we really talking about this right now?"
He was not obese, he wasn't even fat but none of his shirts fit anymore so instead he just wore a t-shirt underneath with a shirt over the top. His weight gain wasn't particularly noticeable but it's worth noting as it is a factor that Marla says when they find him again. Dying.
John had also become an alcoholic. He was dependant on it in order to sleep, and function daily, he drank it almost like water. He used it to drink is pills, he used it as a bedside drink. It was his water.
John's routine wasn't good, he'd wake up at about 10am, write is newspaper comic, send it in via email. Bear in mind all of this is done whilst have 7 cigarettes, his first dose of antidepressants and 3 glasses of vodka. He then ordered, some food, like dominos, or, when he was feeling extra adventurous he would get in his car and drive to the McDonald's drive though. He would the eat his food on the sofa. Then fall asleep in front of the TV, with a vodka bottle nearby.
John was lying on his sofa when he said, "Why is life so cruel? Why did it pick me to have fun with. I just wanted a normal life, with a wife a children, but oh no, I'm a little rag doll, to be played with. I'm just an animatronic to be programmed." And with that he took a long drink of vodka, which burned his throat but made him fall into a restless, unconsciousness, in which the phone began to ring, and on the phone display it said, 'Mom - Home' ...