𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ✰ jenzie

{twenty-two}

a/n: wow. it has been so freaking long since i updated. to all you still reading this, you have my heart :)

We were younger then
We didn't know
That time would tell a story of its own
And if you ever lose your sight along this road
You can't see a single light and you're alone
Don't forget us
There's nothing like us
You can keep me in your heart until you're home
Until you're home

- Jenna Raine, "Us"

j o h n n y

"Hey, so nice to finally get out hang out. Sorry it took a little while," I laugh, giving Nadia a short hug before sitting down across from her.

"No problem, really." She smiles. "I totally get it, you're busy."

"Thanks for understanding." I pick up my menu and begin looking at the options printed. "Ever been here before?"

"Yeah, a couple times." Nadia picks up her menu too, her eyes scanning the menu as well.

After exchanging small talk about the food and placing our orders, Nadia asks how my EP is coming along.

"It's going pretty well, I guess." I shrug. "It's a little hard, though. These songs are really personal, so it's hard to write and sing about them."

"If it's not too personal to ask, what are they about?" she asks.

"Well, uh," I pause, considering whether or not to tell her. "They're about a girl I was really close with."

Nadia's face shows genuine sympathy. "Oh, I'm sorry. What happened?"

"It was my fault..." I start. "I just-"

"Oh my gosh, are you Johnny Orlando?" Someone interrupts, tapping me on the shoulder.

It's interesting, now that I'm the "celebrity" in these interactions, I can see why Kenzie got a lot of anxiety from them.

[also bc the author makes all fans seem super obsessive...]

"Uh, yeah." I say, tearing my mind from Kenzie again.

The girls giggle. "We love your music. I can't wait for your EP."

"Aw, thanks." I laugh. "Me too."

"Is this your girlfriend?" One of them asks, pointing at Nadia.

Nadia rescues me from the situation. "No," she laughs, "we're just working together."

"Wait," says another one of the girls, putting her hand on my arm. "Didn't you used to hang out with Mackenzie Ziegler?"

"Yeah," her friend chimes in, "Did y'all ever date?"

Nadia's mouth opens slightly, and then she closes it again.

"No, we didn't," I laugh awkwardly, shaking the girl's hand off my arm. "I don't mean to be rude, but we were trying to eat dinner. Thanks for supporting me."

They nod, giggling again. "Oh yeah, of course. Enjoy your dinner!"

I turn back to Nadia after the girls leave. "Sorry," I grimace.

"It's totally okay, I get it." Thankfully, she graciously changes the subject. "So, tell me about your favorite song on your EP so far."

"That's hard." I drum my fingers on the table, trying to decide. "Well, there's this song I wrote called Why. I guess it sort of describes my emotions best. It's about me having trouble telling my feelings to...her."

There my mind goes again, drifting off to Kenzie. I can't control it.

"Johnny," Nadia puts her hand over mine, and my attention shifts back to her. "Can I...DTR?"

"Oh," I'm taken aback, feeling bad immediately.

"You know, Define The Relationship." She explains, taking my loss for words as confusion.

"Y-yeah, I know." I nod slowly. "Uh, sure."

Nadia pauses for a quick second. "I know you're in love with someone else. I don't want to get in between that, okay? So for the record...we're just friends, and we met for a publicity partnership."

"Yeah. Thanks. I really appreciate that." I nod, feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders. "Although," I have to add, "I wouldn't say I'm in love."

"Trust me," she laughs. "You're definitely in love."

I blush. "Oh."

"Anyways," Nadia chuckles. "I'm glad we cleared that up. Next thing for you to do is to just tell her."

"Easier said than done," I laugh.

"Well, of course." She leans forward and whispers, "It's Kenzie, isn't it?"

"W-what?" I stammer, my face turning pink again.

Nadia winks knowingly. "I can tell."

"Well, that's great." I blush deeper, and we both laugh.

"Really though," I tell her. "Thanks for understanding. It means a lot to me."

Nadia smiles. "Of course."

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Back at the hotel room, I finally crawl into bed after an exhausting day.

Dimming the lights, I pull out my notebook I've been writing all my songs in.

My phone buzzes, and I pick it up from the nightstand, and seeing a text from the girl I want so badly to text back, my heart sinks.

kenz 🙈
i miss you.

kenz 🙈

i need you. text me back when
you have time.

kenz 🙈
don't forget about me.

I can't physically bring myself to text her back. I just can't. I drop my phone back onto the nightstand and lean back, sighing in disappointed in myself.

My notebook falls open to Why, and I glance down at it, feeling all my frustration and emotion bubble up.

It hurts how much I want to say to her, but can't say.

Kenzie...

Tell you I don't want you
When all I really wanna do is tell you that I miss you
It's easy to approach you, you never make it hard to do
But honestly, I'm scared of the truth that I'm not for the likes of you

I push you away, but I want you to stay, got no excuse
Circling 'round the lies 'cause I can't tell it straight
So here's the truth

I don't know why, why, why, I'm so afraid to try, try, try
You're everything that perfect defines
I don't know why, why, why I'm so afraid to try

Kenzie, I don't know why I'm so afraid to try. Forgive me somehow?

I'm sorry.

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WHY IS THE BEST SONG ON JOHNS EP. FRICKEN FIGHT ME