High School Blues

Chapter 4

The next week at school was miserable. I was starting to think that maybe being alone and miserable like I was in middle school was better than being popular and miserable. I constantly had to fake a smile and pretend like I was interested in the completely mindless and ridiculous conversations that were going on around me.

None of the girls knew what had happened at the party and what had happened between Luke and I and it was killing me because I really needed to let it all out and just tell someone about it.

I really wish I had my mum here, she would’ve been such a good help this past week. But no, the selfish little bitch had to walk out on us just when I needed her the most.

Luke stopped sitting at our table for lunch, obviously doing everything he could to try and avoid me and succeeding because I hadn’t seen him all week. I couldn’t blame him though, I hadn’t said anything after what he had told me at the beach, and really, what could I say?

There was really nothing I could say that would make him forgive me or even start talking to me. I didn’t really deserve it anyway. The only consolation I had was that I hadn’t really known that he had liked me so much and that he was going to change his player ways when he was with me.

Although that was still no excuse for me treating him like crap.

“Hey you’ve been so distant lately, what’s up?” Jacob asked as we were driving home. That’s strange, he usually never asks me deep questions like this. We had become a lot closer ever since I started hanging out with his group of friends, at least it’s helped me in one way.  

“Nah I’m fine really, the first few weeks of high school have just been so full on and I’m still kind of getting used to it.” I lied. Of course I couldn’t open up to Jacob, that’s just not how things work between brother and sister and he would probably hate me after what I did to Luke.

“Well I’m having a little party tonight so you should get out of your depressing mood and come down to join us this time,” He said pulling up to the house.

I nearly choked on the hamburger I was eating. A party at our house was possibly the worst thing that I could have right now. Because of course Luke would be there.

“You coming or what?” Jacob called grabbing a pack of beers from the back of the car.

When I walked in there were already about twenty randoms in our house smoking weed and taking shots. “It’s 4:30 in the afternoon? Are you people crazy?” I remarked as a tall black guy pushed past me and whistled.

“Cmon Josie join the party, you really look like you need to relax,” Dan said passing me a joint. I examined it slowly, did I really want to do this? This was my first time, they’ll probably all laugh when they see how I react.

“Trust me, it seriously takes the edge off, makes you feel so much better.” A blonde guy told me while handing me a vodka.

I don’t know why I did it, but I did. I think I just really needed an escape from my thoughts and I needed to stop thinking about the one thing that was always on my mind. I really just needed to relax, so I sat back in one of the arm chairs and began to smoke it.

The group cheered and I laughed, my brother walked in and high fived me when he saw what I was doing. “Good on ya Jose”

The night was fun and carefree. It was the first time in weeks that my mind wasn’t thinking about that darn boy. I was surprised he hadn’t shown up but it was probably because he knew it was at my house and so just like had been doing all week, he avoided me. I sunk into my chair and started to belt out the words to ‘we are young’ by fun that was playing on the radio, it was the perfect song for how I was feeling and I felt like everything in the world was right again. Honestly it was probably just the drugs talking, but I enjoyed it anyway.