On Thin Air

Meaning of My Life

Her father's eyes drifted toward the paper. Narrowing his eyes, "Is this a joke?"

"I'm having a child, father."

"So keep it!" his voice went up a notch. "Did I tell you to get rid of it?"

Namjoo blinked. Taken aback. Hurt. "I held on for a really long time, father," she said. "Your pettiness to destroy everything I feel I ever had isn't enough for you?"

"I did it for you," he blasted.

"What?!" Namjoo's voice shot up, driven. "What did you do for me? I ran to you every time I was scared only to be turned away! I got married to who you wanted! And when they mocked the family tree, you didn't speak up for me! So what, father, what have you ever done for me?!"

Her voice shook. Her blood rushed to her head. Her heart pounded harder and harder. She was on emotional overdrive again.

"Because you're a strong person," her father's eyes turned stern. "You are my daughter! You've always stood up in your fights! Have you ever lost?"

Namjoo scoffed. Disbelieving. "You're really just a bull."

Snatching the paper so viciously into his hand that it crumpled between his fingers. Shaking it at her, "Take this back and sign it. And come back home, you fool."

"My home is where my husband is."

Angered, he threw the paper at her. It didn't even make it halfway. Flopping to the ground in a zigzag pattern. Landing at his feet.

"You want to spend the rest of your life defying me," he hissed.

"I don't know, father," Namjoo icily said, "how did I become this way?"

Their stare off lasted only until he spun away. Pacing to his desk and back. Fuming. Breathing steam. Struggling not to pull his hair out.

"I don't think we have anything to do with each other anymore," Namjoo told. "Goodbye, father."

Spinning around she started toward the door. Halting when he demanded, "Don't you dare take a step outside that door. If you do, you are no longer your mother's daughter."

Furious that he would dare use her mom, his dead wife, as an excuse Namjoo turned. Flaring with immeasurable anger. "You don't deserve to speak of that woman!"

"I have all the right to," her father spat. Slamming his hand against the desk he cursed, "Goddammit!"

Engulfed by a storm of feelings, her father clenched his eyes. Usurped by his wrath toward her and the unseen entities that turned the tide every time they talked.

"I did everything for you," his voice trembled. "Everything. I did it to protect you." Looking at her, "I did it for you!"

"All I wanted was to know about my mom." Namjoo's insides quivered. "I didn't ask you to give me what I never needed! That's on you! For doing it wrong!" Tearing up because she was still angry about the past. Being forced to get married, get pregnant, and they had the audacity to take it back when she'd found solace.

"Because I promised your mother," her father admitted. "This is not the kind of life she'd want you to have."

Namjoo scoffed again. Overwhelmed by the suffocating four walls, the one man blocking her path into the light. Her eyes watered. Feeling unbelievably barricaded from that other side of happiness. And he was making her so helpless.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Sucking in a shaky breath, "Who are you to decide for her?! If mother saw I was happy, would she dare take that from me? Do you think she would?!" Namjoo waited a beat. Raised her voice, "No! My mother, who loved me, would never hurt me!" Now she was just screaming, "You're not her! So, stop it! Just stop it! Just leave me alone!"