Two out looks

A night with your thoughts

This is Cyrus's P.O.V after the events of 3:13.

Cyrus was lying in his bed trying to go to sleep. Sleep was what he needed right now. After everything that happened a few hours of shut eye would be great. T.j wanted to do a costume with Kira more then him. A girl he just met, but that was fine. Cyrus understood. No, he didn't. He was always trying to understand everything, why people did the stuff they did and having four parents who were psychologists made him always think about the other people in situations, but he couldn't do that anymore.

No, he told himself, sleep. You need to sleep. Cyrus tried but normally thinking of T.j would help him sleep, memories, moments, magnificent things. Things that could happen in the future. Going to college together, becoming roommates getting a pet, going on double dates, supporting and comforting each other. Stuff that guy friends do, at least he thought that's what guy friends did. Jonah was the first guy friend Cyrus ever had but he was also Cyrus's first crush, so he wasn't sure if Jonah counted as his first guy friend or his first crush.

"God" Cyrus whispered to himself as he sat up and put his head in his hands. He felt his cheeks and hands becoming wet. No, he thought, no don't cry. Cyrus knew that crying was what he needed to do but he didn't want to do it. Trying to keep it in however was ending up making it worse. He choked out a sob. He felt his nose start to run and his eyelashes become extremely wet with his tears. He laid back down face first in his pillow, his body whole body, every single muscle, trying to pull in on itself. He tucked his legs beneath him, so they were right up against his chest and stayed like that for a while.

Cyrus woke up it was still night. He reached over and pulled out his phone. It blinded him and he hurriedly turned the brightness down. His screen saver stared up at him. A picture of T.J and Buffy together after a one on one that Buffy had won. He rubbed his eye at the sight of it and typed in his password "GHC4life" then he went to messages, pulled up T.J's contacts and stared at it. Then he went back through some old texts and read.

T.J: Ugh, I'm so effing stupid! Practice is always at 3:30 but I thought the clock said 2:80 and missed it!!! 2:80 isn't even how u measure time!!!

T.J: Srry I shouldn't bother you or say effing I don't want to rub off on u

Cyrus: NO!!! Talk to me! Your not bothering me and you're not stupid your really smart! Just set a reminder on you phone for practice that way you know you won't miss it.

T.J: what would I do without u?

Cyrus: miss practice apparently

2/5/2019

Cyrus: My Bubba Rose died!!!

T.J: I'M SO SORRY!!!

T.J: Do you want me to come over? I'm really sorry I know how close you were to her!

Cyrus: Thank you but no I'm with some family. I just can't rap my head around it.

T.J: loosing family is tuff I know.

Cyrus: right your mom... advice?

T.J: let me come over so we can talk.

Cyrus: We are having a shiva in a few days. You can come to that.

T.J: I'll be there.

Cyrus stopped reading after that. He needed water. He thought back to a post he'd seen before about what to do after a hard cry. He took off all his clothes and threw them in the laundry basket and put on some fresh ones. Then he went downstairs and got water and drank it. He had three glasses before going upstairs and taking a shower. While he was in there, he turned on the radio so he wouldn't be alone with his thoughts.

Lemon boy and me started to get along together I helped him plant his seeds and we mowed the lawn and bad weather. It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him

Oh God not this song, Cyrus thought. It always made him think of T.j. T.j and his fluffy hair, kind smile, he was such a dork. He was so pretty too, so beautiful. Cyrus thought back to when they first met "Don't tell him what he can't do." Everybody thought Cyrus couldn't do anything. That he was broken or breakable. T.j thought Cyrus could do anything with a little help. Cyrus walked to his closet put on some pajama pants and then over to his dresser. He opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a grey hoodie. T.j's hoodie, he had come over one day and left it, he'd come back to get it but forgot about it again. Eventually he just gave up and gave it to Cyrus. Cyrus had five of these hoodie's now he put on the grey one. It still smelled like T.j. He thought back a few days ago when he saw T.J in the park with Kira. T.J seemed so happy when he showed up, he didn't like Kira obviously. Well that's what he'd thought.

T.j had seemed sorry when he saw Cyrus. Then an instinct hit him. He pulled up T.j's messages again. A thought bubble had appeared.

T.j: typing

T.j:

T.j: typing

T.j: I'm sorry. I'm SO sorry. I can't explain. I'm an ass hole. Not apologizing for language. I talked to my dad he says it's better if you and I don't talk.

Cyrus heart thudded in his chest. What was going on? What was happening? He got in bed with his hoodie. He started to play Lemon Boy on his phone.

But what if I run out of fertilizer What if the clouds run out of rain What if Lemon Boy won't grow no longer What if beaches dry of sugar cane Oh well The whales start to beach themselves Tortoise shells tear away from their spines It happens all the time, it happens all the time

Buffy wanted Cyrus to choose between T.j and her at one point. It was ridiculous. It hurt him. But, Cyrus couldn't help thinking if he had ended his friendship with T.j it wouldn't have given T.j the opportunity to choose Kira, and his dad over him.

Friendship

Cyrus thought back to when him and T.j had first met. When he first saw T.j 'this is the person your person' a voice had said in his head. When he was with him at the swings 'so gay. My gay' the same voice had said. And when the gun thing had happened T.j left all his friends for Cyrus and then the voice said, 'everything you could ever want a few feet away.' Then when they were in the park the other day after deciding on costumes T.J started talking about his mom. That's when the voice said 'kiss'.

Did Cyrus like T.j? No like wasn't right. Love. As soon as he thought it he wished he hadn't. His stomach twanged with pain. No one could no. Not Buffy not Andy not Amber not Jonah no one. It was to... to embarrassing. To shameful. With that thought Cyrus fell into a peaceful sleep. Forgetting everything that had happened for a few peaceful hours.