Assassin's Creep

Part VII

All five Assassins stood outside the Assassin Den, which was conveniently Why Is the Rum Gone. Sporting civilian clothing all Assassins were dressed in their preferred attire. Edward wore jeans and a black shirt, Connor wore a Spider-Man morph suit, Ezio a tuxedo, Arno track pants and a shirt with the French flag, and finally, Altair who wore jeans, sneakers and a shirt which had the Assassin’s symbol.

“Not cool, man. Jeans and joggers are something that should never mix.” Connor commented on Altair’s outfit.

“And you think a fucking morph suit is appropriate? We’re supposed to blend in.” Altair replied.

“It’s a Spider-Man suit! He exists, so whatever. You’re the one who looks like an aesthetically uncoordinated teenager.” Connor shot back.

“Basta, we must plan!” Ezio intervened, “Altair, do you have any idea where the Templar Headquarters is?”

“Yes, it’s the Hooters four blocks away.” Altair replied.

An awkward silence washed over all the Assassins as the comment settled in everyone’s minds.

“The Hooters?” Edward asked with disbelief, “It’s my lucky day, then. Hey Arno, do you reckon Elise charges for lap dances?”

“Fuck off!” Arno snarled.

Edward laughed loudly as Ezio tried to settle the group.

“Ok! We need to devise a plan. Should we just walk in act like normal customers?” Ezio asked.

“Spider-Man over here will jizz in his pants as soon as we get through the door.” Altair reasoned.

“Hah! I reckon.” Edward agreed.

“Oh knock off! I’ve seen a girl in a crop top before, I’m not that frigid!” Connor protested.

“Doubt it.” Arno smirked.

The five Assassins made their way to the Hooters four blocks away. Upon approaching the venue, Ezio opened the door and ushered the Assassins inside. They made their way to a booth in the back of the eatery. Women were walking around in skimpy orange clothing with tops sporting the Hooters logo.

“Where do I order?” Connor asked as they sat.

Before anyone could reply, a teenage boy in a bright purple tracksuit walked towards their table. His bling jingled as he swaggered towards them. Wearing sunglasses and wrapping his arms around two waitresses, he was some sort of dorky adolescent pimp.

“Welcome to my joint. I’m The Pimp, otherwise known as Theiof.” He said while whipping off his sunglasses.

“There’s hair in my food!” A customer at another table exclaimed.

Theiof raised an eyebrow at the comment and turned around to face the patron. Pulling a diamante-covered stick from his left pocket, he aimed it at the customer.

“Dickhead!” He proclaimed while pointing the stick.

A bright flash emerged from the stick to reveal something so cringe-worthy, Ezio gasped in shock. The customer’s nose had magically transformed into a penis. Screaming, he slapped it.

“What have you done to my nose?!” He exclaimed.

“He wasn’t joking when he said dickhead.” Edward smirked.

“Give me fifty bucks and I’ll change it back.” Theiof requested.

“What?!” The customer protested, “You’re a con artist!”

Theiof laughed, “Yep. Hand it over, bitch!”

The customer produced a fifty dollar bill from his wallet and gave it to the teenage Pimp.

A/N: HEY ASSASSINS! So I'm slowly introducing the much-anticipated civilian cast. I introduce...THEIOF THE PIMP! If you're struggling with pronnounciation, it's pronounced THEE-OF. What a pimpin badass. Next pert will feature pink poodles and dragons so hold onto your throwing knives! NOTHING IS TRUE, EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED!