Assassin's Creep

Part VIII

A/N: Holy shit 100 reads ahaha thanks guys <3

What Ezio witnessed was pure evil…yet pure genius. Before he could ponder any longer, Edward asked a very plausible question.

“I don’t think Pimp Boy over here has the mental capacity to be a Templar.” Edward reasoned, “So, if we’re in their Headquarters, where are they?”

All Assassins looked at each other for answers.

“I believe I can help.” Theiof interrupted.

“How?” Connor asked.

“Ok. The Templars used to use this place as their Headquarters. But they moved-out recently.” The Pimp began.

“Wait. But I was here ten hours ago and this was their H.Q.” Altair intervened.

“Yeah, they left about two hours ago.” Theiof replied.

“If Baguette Boy over here hadn’t been staring at someone’s croissant, we’d probably have got here in time!” Connor whined.

“Croissant?” Theiof asked, “Is that a code word of sorts?”

“No!” The Assassins said simultaneously.

“Well, then! It looks like I’m your tour guide for today. Please follow me if you’d like to find the Templars.” Theiof requested.

The Assassins and Theiof left the Hooters and began walking. Theiof walked with a weird swagger, and Ezio reasoned that his bling must have weighed so much that it hindered his walking abilities.

“How do you know about the Templars?” Ezio asked the teenage boy.

“Um, well…” Theiof began, “Relatives.” He coughed.

That statement sounded completely unconvincing, but Ezio let it go. He heard an excitable squeal emerge from Connor. Pulling his Spider-Man mask off, he trotted towards the gutter.

“Oh. My. God! This is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen!” Connor exclaimed.

Bending over, he picked up a small pink creature from the gutter. Ezio squinted and realised that it was a dog with an ugly-ass haircut.

“How did a pink poodle end up in the gutter?” Altair asked as Connor stroked the puppy.

“I don’t know, but I’m keeping it! I’m going to name you Fi-Fi!” Connor said while affectionately patting the pooch.

“You are so fucking fabulous sometimes…” Edward murmured as Connor kissed the dog.

“Cute dog, but we’ve got to get to the Tanning Salon on Eden Boulevard.” Theiof said, quickening his pace.

“We didn’t come here to join the Jersey Shore crew, boy. We need to find the Templars.” Ezio reiterated.

“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing!” Theiof reassured Ezio.

They began their trek to Eden Boulevard when more questions popped into Ezio’s majestic Assassin brain.

“Hey, uh, Theiof?” Ezio asked.

“Yes, sir?”

“How did you end up in this ratchet city?” The Assassin asked.

“Well, it’s funny you ask that. I’m a bit of an entrepreneur. So, being the fine businessman that I am, I bought the Hooters on Fifth Street off the Templars. I am a Wizard, but I prefer to keep my abilities to myself, because I’m not very good at casting spells.” Theiof answered.

“In what way are you not good at casting spells?” Ezio asked with concern.

“That little magic trick I performed back at the restaurant is all I can do.” The Pimp answered.

“You can only turn people’s noses into dicks?” Ezio smirked.

“No, but close. I can only transform objects into…uh…you know…male genitalia.” Theiof replied.

“Wow, sucks to be you.” Ezio sympathised.

“Yep.”

“Shut up, Connor!” Arno whined as Connor cooed to the poodle.

“Aw, you’re so cute-“ Connor began.

Before he could finish complimenting the pooch, the creature began to abnormally grow in size. Its little sparkly collar snapped as it went from the size of a purse to a horse. Connor screamed and hid behind Edward as the creature continued to grow. The pink fluffy tail was replaced with a scaly, spiky tendril. Its eyes turned red as razor sharp fangs emerged from its mouth. The dog sprouted leathery wings until it was the size of a truck.

“What the fuck is that?!” Edward exclaimed.

The creature roared and took a deep breath. Before anyone could react, a blast of fire erupted from the creature’s throat, scorching surrounding cars.

“Fi-Fi isn’t just a poodle,” Altair stated, “She’s a…a dragon!”

A/N: HEY ASSASSINS! So Fi-Fi the fiery dragon is upon us! Will they get to the Tanning Salon before its too late? Stay tuned, because we have more characters being introduced (including some new Templars!) so don't get your Assassin Robes in a ruffle! NOTHING IS TRUE, EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED!