Fire Scarred *Un-Edited Version*

Chapter Seventeen

      The little bit of sleep I had gotten earlier that day did nothing to help the exhaustion that washed over me now in large waves. The stars glittered above me in their glorious sight, mocking me in their own way. If only I could shine that brightly, or capture someone's imagination with my beauty like they could. They seemed to have it made.

     My fingers dug into the soil at my sides. Little bits of dirt lodged themselves under the small space between my finger nails and skin, much to my irritation. The land around me called out my name as I grumbled through my problems in the confinements of my head. Everything from the past few hours felt like a dream, like none of this was really happening to me, but some other girl that was more suited to deal with this. As I had watched her cry over a boy who was no longer hers, and then laugh as she realized how silly she was being, I began to feel at piece with myself in this situation. That didn't mean I was no longer hurt by it, nor that I wished all my pains would go away. No. I began to truely feel that I'd be okay through all of this. We were never meant to be anyway, and it wasn't like I thought we'd be together for ever and ever. I simply didn't want it to end like this. The end for our relationship was supposed to be something bitter sweet where we agreed we'd better off be friends and have our own private relationships that we could gush about to our friends. Not this.

     In its own way, this was bitterly sweet. When I'd told Leo about this, he'd held me and allowed me to cry into his sleeve. He'd comforted me, and whispered sweet things into my ear, because that's what a good friend does. And when I suddenly burst into giggles, he didn't criticize my emotional havoc. Now he sat with me in the silence as the trees and grass sang my name and begged me to curl against this boy who'd been here for me. Although I was tempted to give in to their request, I held my ground. It was too soon. Too soon for me to throw myself back out there again. I knew he understood. Leo was good that way. Even as I turned on my side away from him, he knew it was okay. Right then, I just needed my space.

     Breakfast the next morning was treacherous. As I stared around the Hall for a seat far, far away from my so called friends, I couldn't stop my heart from its silent screams. Everywhere around me people were laughing and talking totally unawear of my predicament. Noah, Georgia, and Raylynn stared at me from their post, their eyes wide and seemingly begging. Our eyes met, mine and Noah's, and I turned away with a whip of my head. Needles pricked into the back of my eyelids. I desperately searched for another place to sit when my eyes fell on Josh sitting all alone. I let out a breath as I sank down across from him.

     "I knew, and I didn't tell you."

     I sighed. "I figured."

     "Are you mad?"

     "With you? No."

     We fell into silence. The companionable kind, where the feelings of having nothing to say is shared and we're each wrapped up in our own thoughts. His hand reached under the table and grabbed mine giving it a soft squeeze. Everything around me slowed to a crawl.

     "They shouldn't have done it," Josh said, the hurt in his eyes reminding me his girlfriend had cheated on him, too. "But, you should know he only did it because he doesn't know what to do without you. He's been moping around for weeks, he says your name in his sleep, he hasn't been eating or drinking, and I'm not even sure if he even goes to the bathroom anymore. Cora, he may not deserve you as his girlfriend, and I'm not even saying you should give him the chance, but you should at least let him try to make it up to you. Be his friend. You're all he's ever had."

     I gaze across at Josh and his mossy eyes, the dirty blonde hair falling into those orbs. "Why are you trying to defend him? They hurt you too."