Glacier Frost: A Glaciershipping Fanfiction

8: I Love You Pt. 1

TW FOR WHOLE CHAPTER!

Everyone tried going back to normal when they heard Zane come in, but it was hard after what they had just heard from Jay. Everyone was treating him as if he was a precious snowflake. Zane noticed everyone was acting strange around him but pretended like he didn't notice. He was feeling worse every day but hid behind his smile. He tried acting like everything was fine, but he knew that it wasn't.

He was drowned in emotions he didn't understand, and Jay refused to explain the meaning of what had actually happened to him. He ended up looking it up himself and learned that it was called molestation. He read that it was very serious, and he should call an authority figure or talk to a counselor but he didn't care. It's not like it mattered anyway. His friends pitied him and no one else knew what he was really feeling inside. Even Jay didn't understand it. Their problems were similar, but nowhere near the same. 

He felt like a useless hunk of metal. He never asked to be made. He never asked to be able to feel real emotion. There was no one in the world like him, and no one he could relate to. It made him different, but not special. He always took the blame no matter who had caused something. He always knew he had to be the responsible one, but he didn't want to be. He wanted to just be normal, not be seen as the quiet one or the weird one. 

He had only tried to kill himself once before, but he was caught. It was the night after he learned who his father was and what he was. If only Cole hadn't seen him. If it wasn't for Cole, he wouldn't have to deal with these emotions anymore. It was all Cole. He was the one that made Zane feel these emotions that he knew were wrong. He was the one that made Zane's face brighten whenever someone mentioned his name. He was the one who made Zane's heart pound whenever he drew near. He was the one who's smile could make Zane forget everything that was wrong in his life. And yet, it was never enough. It could never be enough.

After a week of agonizingly long pain for him, Zane decided that once and for all, he would give it all up. They would find someone new for their team. Someone better. Someone who was normal. 

Zane woke at three a.m. and carefully snuck out of his room as to not wake anyone. It was very cold that night as he stepped outside. He ignored it. It wasn't like he could feel it anyway. He was metal after all. He walked up to the railing of the Bounty, still in his pajamas. The moon was shining through the misty sky onto the ocean beneath them. They were anchored high above the ocean, and the view was beautiful, to say the least. He carefully stepped onto the railing, making sure not to slip. He didn't want to fall. Yet.

He carefully tied a note with a ribbon onto the rail beneath his feet. On it he wrote:

Dear My Friends,

Here's for an uncaring and unforgiving world, a list of things for you to be happy about:

Jay, you'll never have to deal with that friend who cried in front of you and made you feel bad. You'll never have to see me falling in love with somebody again and getting my heart broken. You'll never have to care about someone who was too emotionally invested in someone else to care about themselves. Someone who abandoned reason and made you hate them.

Nya, it is sad to know I will never get to know you better. You are a strong young woman and have so much ahead of you. Keep following your dreams and I know you can be anything you want.

Kai, you never failed to make me smile. You never act like it, but you are a very kind person to both your friends and your enemies. Make sure to keep Lloyd safe. After all, it is what you were destined to do.

Lloyd, you are a kind and caring young man. You will do great things. I know how hard it must be to know you must defeat your father, but I know that you can do it. You are far more powerful than you think. Please keep everyone together. I believe in you. 

Cole, I never got to tell you but I love you. You make me smile and stutter over my words. You make my servos lock and spark. Yet I knew you would never love me back.

You were all my lights in the dark and you gave me great reasons to stay here.

At the funeral, don't sing a requiem for me. Don't have a heavy heart. Don't go and break in pieces. Don't go and fall apart for me.

You are all beautiful.

When you've fallen in the forest and you think there's nobody around, you really do crash and always make a sound.

Sincerely, for the last time,
Me.

Zane felt a tear roll down his cheek.

He quietly whispered to himself as he spread his arms.

"Goodbye Cole. I love you."