very unfortunate / inallexx

ten

the pair had fallen asleep in each other's arms, and in the morning when he'd awakened, alex blinked slowly at the boy beside of him. he gasped, hurriedly excusing himself from fraser's warm embrace in a panic. he threw his clothes on in a frenzy, hushily running to the bathroom and looking at the reflection before himself.

his face was flushed and inside he felt all humiliated, unable to take into account of what he'd done with one of his best mates.

i've truly fucked it, he thought to himself, there's no coming back from this one.

what the fuck was he supposed to do? he had fancied fraser for such a long time and to finally have something from the boy and he couldn't even remember it like he desperately wished he could made his heart saddened. there was no way he could repair their friendship if they tried, and he genuinely had himself convinced that it was like this for real. he was convinced fraser didn't like the experience, that fraser wouldn't remember a lick of anything and so that when he would wake up, he could continue on with his life and act like nothing ever happened. he was sure he was having a full on panic attack by this point, hyperventilating and splashing water on his face to try and snap himself out of it.

alex wanted to punch himself in the face, perhaps that would feel better than convincing himself that the person he'd liked for such a long time had sex with him, probably just to get off and felt like to anybody else that wasn't him it didn't mean a single thing.

"why am i so fucking stupid?" he said aloud to himself, voice barely breaking through a whisper. "'ve truly fucked it this time, jesus christ..."

but by the time all of his words came out and actions were done, fraser had woken up and was wondering what was going on. alex was gone from the bed and there was commotion in the add-on bathroom.

"alex?" called the boy who was startled, "you a'right?"

alex collected and composed himself the best he could--which really wasn't done enough--by splashing water on his face. breathing heavily, he cried even more as he tried to get at least one word out, "yeah," he sobbed, wondering to himself why he couldn't just let things happen and let himself have a good thing for once. "i'm sorry, really..."

fraser didn't understand why he was being woke up under these circumstances. he was trying to think to himself what happened last night--when all the sudden he remembered that the two of them actually had sex. it was a genuine fuck. and he'd done that with one of his best friends.

instead of panicking like alex had done, he was hopeful that maybe they could make it work. he didn't know why alex was so sad. did he fucking regret it?

"come out here," fraser called for him, rubbing his eyes to wake himself up more. "we can talk about it, alex, just get out here."

"go back to sleep s'i can go 'ome, please. w-we can pretend it never--it never happened! i need to be home alone, not here."

fraser got up from the mattress now, concerned and confused for this type of behavior. "alex, please," he begged, "let me in. we can talk about it!"

"you don't understand, frase," he wiped his eyes, "but you can come listen, if you even fuckin' care." he began to get hostile for no reason, trying to push away this person that he cared deeply about. alex opened the door and turned his back on him.

"what's this about you saying i don't care? for fuck's sake. i care about you, otherwise i wouldn't have even took y'to bed! what makes you think that? i'm nothin' but nice and good to you and you're acting like i never cared about ya' at all!" he exclaimed, offended that he was getting accused of such things.

alex didnt know what to say, and he was crying too bad that he didnt feel like combating his words. he didn't want to talk any longer because it felt like all his words were coming out wrong anyhow. he flopped into fraser's arms, tears staining the taller man's shirt. he hugged him back hard.

"i'm--i'll help you through this, okay? i really wanted this for a long time, okay? don't take this away from me. please?" fraser's voice tried its best to sooth his sadness and the fabric of his shirt did its best to dry his tears.

"i'm sorry," cried alex, "i'm fuckin' stupid, a'right? i'm so pathetic, i-i'm just so fucking sorry..."

"don't call yourself that, for god's sake! you're fine, okay? there's nothing wrong, yeah? i've got you." he rubbed circles all over the space of his back, loosely humming 'you are my sunshine' softly in his ear.

fraser led him back to the mattress so that the pair may continue on their sleep-cycle, reassuring them that they could talk more about it when they are more well-rested. and alex agreed but did so shyly and quietly. he cried himself back to sleep in his crush's arms.