Chapter Three

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Of all the things I anticipated about tonight, ending up in the arms of my first love wasn't one of them

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Of all the things I anticipated about tonight, ending up in the arms of my first love wasn't one of them.

"Why are you here?" I mumble into his neck. "When did you come back to Palmira?"

He doesn't say anything as he pulls me closer. I swallow and nearly stop breathing because his touch feels so excellent. So welcome. No. This can't be happening. And yet, I don't pull away. I screw my eyes shut.

With only a little hesitation, I press my face into the hollow of his neck, where it meets his collarbone. His skin is warm and smooth and I want to kiss it. His hands are firm on my back and I feel melty.

"Cata, Cata, Cata," he murmurs. I hum a muffled squeak into his neck. God, he smells good. Citrus-y. Soapy. Yummy.

We're still hugging. This is like the longest hug in the history of hugs. I squeeze him because I want to feel the wall of his chest. He doesn't let go.

My mind spins fast. Does he remember what happened between us? That's a stupid question. Even if he'd stopped loving me, which he obviously did, how could he forget what happened?

Something about his hard embrace tells me he does remember, and something in the way he possessively pulls me closer, tells me that he hasn't forgotten how our bodies react to one another's. Like tornadoes of fire on the surface of the sun.

I inhale, and he smells like grapefruit and spice and everything not-so-nice about our very fucked-up past. Our history bubbles up, and with it, a long-buried feeling of shame. Trembling, I squeeze him back even tighter. I'm normally not a hugger. But I want to feel his body, hot and hard, against mine. It's an exquisite torture, because I'm still so pissed at him after all these years.

How I had wanted this day to happen. And yet, I had also dreaded it, hoped it would never become a reality.

"Hey," I whisper against his neck. My thoughts break and return to our first kiss. We were at Disney's Star Wars weekend in Orlando, a week after high school graduation.

Without parents.

The kiss happened during the Mexico ride at Epcot. It was blissfully cool and dark and he awkwardly leaned in and planted one on my lips. I was surprised enough to giggle, then I leaned in and kissed him back, making sure my tongue touched his.

"Wow," he'd breathed.

Later that night, I was in the hotel suite bed and Diego, my brother and their friend Jake were in the living room, on sofas and in sleeping bags.

I thought I was being bold when I texted Diego:

When Jake and Scott fall asleep, come in here with me. The door's unlocked. Just be quiet, and pretend you're going into the bathroom.

He slipped into my bed silently, stretching out next to me in the darkness. All that night, we didn't speak much, make noise or get a lick of sleep. All we did was kiss and touch each other everywhere.

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