Q/A + Reminders

SATISFYING HUSBAND!?

Question.

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My husband has a high stress job and he says the only way he can relax is to engage in various sexual acts..such as watching porn together or fantasising about threesomes.. or having --- on webcamera with someone watching.. i know all this is haram ,we have a very good relationhship otherwise.. but he pressureises me for these things and i do not want to refuse him as it creates tension in between us..i have tried talking and explaining patiently but this issue keeps coming up again and again.. i would like to add that the only thing that makes me refuse is the fear of it being prohibited in islam.. i am not forced in anyway by him.. just a sort of pressure and if i refuse he is kind of cold towards me.. i am very worried and stressed about this.. please advise me what should i do.. and also tell me what is the punishment for these acts.?

Answer

Praise be to Allaah

       ▪Firstly:

Watching pornographic websites and sexual activity is haraam; it is a disease, not a remedy. The one who does that is afflicted and he should seek to remedy himself by repenting and giving it up, not by making up excuses for himself. All sinners make up excuses for themselves. The one who drinks alcohol or takes drugs or commits adultery – they all claim that they are under pressure and that they cannot escape it except by doing something haraam.

In fact these haraam things only add to their worries and stress. One of the punishments of sin is feelings of stress and alienation, and darkness on the face and in the heart. The farther away a person is from his Lord and the more he is indulging in sins, the farther away the means of attaining happiness and peace of mind are from him.

Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Quran nor acts on its orders, etc.) verily, for him is a life of hardship”
[Al-Qur'an 20:124].

As for the people of faith and obedience, Allah, may He be exalted, says concerning them (interpretation of the meaning):

“Whoever works righteousness, whether male or female, while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”
[Al-Qur'an16:97].

The Prophet peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

Abu Hurayrah RA reported that Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“…..The eye does zinaa by the looking, and the ears do zinaa by the listening, and the zinaa of the tongue is to talk and the adultery of the hand is to touch and the zinaa of the legs is to go to (the forbidden place) and the heart desires and the private parts confirm or contradict that.
[BUKHAARI, MUSLIM]

There is another Hadith that says a woman isn’t allowed to see other women’s Awrah and a man isn’t allowed to see other men’s Awrah.

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“No man should look at the ‘awrah of another man, and no woman should look at the ‘awrah of another woman.”
[Narrated by Muslim,338.]

This is the case for people of the same sex. Then imagine how wrong would looking at the awrah of the opposite sex be.

Another Hadith has this:

It was narrated from Bahz ibn Hakeem RA from his father that his grandfather [Mu’aawiyah ibn Haydah al-Qushayri] (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:

I said: O Messenger of Allaah, with regard to our ‘awrah, what may we uncover of it and what must we conceal? He said: “Cover your ‘awrah except from your wife and those whom your right hand possesses (i.e., concubines).” I said, O Messenger of Allaah, what if a man is with another man? He said, “If you can make sure that no one sees it, then do not let anyone see it.” I said, O Messenger of Allaah, what if one of us is alone? He said, “Allaah is more deserving that you should feel shy before Him than people.”
[Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi (2769); narrated by Ibn Maajah (1920); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.]

How beautiful this Hadith is. This proves that whatever the reason, no man or woman can see the awrah of anyone except that of one’s spouse.

🚫 What you have to do is advise your husband to keep away from these haraam things, and tell him about beneficial remedies to treat stress and anxiety, one of the greatest of which is reading the Holy Qur’aan, which is the means of bringing relief and peace to the heart.

        ▪Secondly:

It is permissible for the husband to enjoy his wife however he wants, so long as he avoids intercourse at the time of menses and in the anus.

There are different way of enjoying intimacy that are not forbidden in Islam, but they are off-putting to people of good taste and sound natures; however they are permissible if the wife agrees to them.

If your husband calls you to do something haraam, you have to refuse and not be a party to sin and disobedience. If he calls you to do something permissible that you find off-putting and distasteful, then it is up to you whether you accept or refuse. If you decide to go along with it because you are afraid he will lose interest in you, you may do so, but it is better for you to fulfil his desires in proper ways that do not make either of you feel put off.

And Allah knows best.

📜 Shaykh Rizwean Bin Rafique

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Asalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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