Learning to Love Again

Seven ~ Sofia

Sofia's POV

I grip the tear stained paper tightly as I read his words; some of the last I'll ever get.

"Hey baby,

I know you never thought this would happen, that you'd be able to stop it, and I'm sorry it has to be this way.

This might be hard for you to understand, but it'll make sense when you've gotten to the last message.

Let me start from the beginning...

Back when we were in the eighth grade, someone came to me with an offer. They told me that if I could get someone for them, they'd stay away from my family. These people were the ones responsible for the deaths of my family.

And my own.

I know your probably thinking "what the hell is he talking about?" but I can't tell you everything yet.

These men told me that if I couldn't get them, they would kill me.

But the thing is...I ended up falling for them.

Go to my parents house, ask them for a letter.

Read it.

I loved you then and forever, baby.

-Shawn"

I feel hot tears on my face as I read his words.

Who's he talking about and why do they want them?

Do I even wanna know?

No, I don't think I do.

But I need to.

I need to go see his parents.

I need to read what he has to say.

"Sofia?" Rose says again and again, "what is it?"

"I need to go to his house," my breathing gets heavier, "NOW."

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

"Hi Mrs. Brown, I'm sorry to bother you but did Shawn give you a letter for me?"

Her face goes pale as she gestures for me and Rose to come in.

"Here you go, honey. Say hi to Andrea for me, ok?" She hands me the letter and I nod.

"Thank you," I give her a sad smile and take the letter before walking outside with Rose.

We get back into the car and just sit there paralyzed.

I open the envelope carefully, my hands shaking as tears start falling.

Slowly I unfold the paper, my heart breaking even more just seeing his handwriting.

"Hi my love,

I know you still don't understand, and I know your not going to want to admit what happened when you know it all, but you need to know.

The person I told you about, the one I said I fell for, it's going to hurt you so much. I knew that from the start but I didn't know what I was doing at the time, and your so close to her.

When I started seeing her four months ago, it was an accidental drunken meet. She was so upset, I think she just had a break up. But she was crying and screaming at me, I tried to comfort her.

She kissed me when I stopped, and there was no hesitation between either of us. The kiss led to touching and then...I slept with your best friend, Sofia."

I stop breathing as anger floods my mind, and I look over at her and she's doing what she does every time she's nervous, biting her lip.

"How fucking could you?" Is all I say before I rush out of her car, letter and purse in hand, slamming the door behind me before she could say anything.

I run away from her, going as fast as I can until I see a deserted park and sit on one of the swings and continue to read his letter.

"I'm so sorry, baby. After that day, Rose and I swore to never talk about it or let it happen again, except it did.

I don't know what made me do it.

I really did love you, and I really was happy with you.

I guess at some point, she became a constant in my life, like you were, just..not in the same ways.

I loved her, until about a month ago when you had your breakdown, and I was with her when you called me, but I rushed to you the minute I heard you crying through the phone.

I realized I fucked up, and that if you ever found out, you'd break again, and I couldn't do that to you.

After that I told her we had to stop, and we did, but she kept trying to get me to come back to her and to leave you.

No matter how many times I told her no, she kept pressing.

I loved you so much more than her, I needed physical comfort in ways I know I wouldn't get from you, and I should've waited and talked to you about it, but I couldn't.

She blackmailed me, said that she would tell you what happened if  I didn't do what she said.

But you will always be the love of my life, and I have always loved you.

Go home and look in the place you hide your diary.

There's another letter waiting for you.

I loved you, Sofia, I loved you with all my heart.

-Shawn"

I break again, falling down onto the colorful playground floor, sobbing and wailing until I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I look up and see that it's the same guy from therapy.

"Hey. Hey, what's wrong?" He asks, a hint of worry filling his tone as he tries to lift me back up.

"Just leave me alone.." I say, crying harder, falling back onto my knees.

"What's wrong?" He asks again.

"I said just leave me alone!" I yell, continuing to cry until I start hyperventilating.

He sits next to me and pulls my shaking body close to him, holding me, "Tell me what's wrong, I'm not leaving until you stop crying."

Why does he even care?

He doesn't know me, so why?

"Why?" I sob.

"Why what?"

"Why care? Just leave." Is all I say before my vision starts going blurry and the world starts spinning.

"Because you shouldn't be alone when your crying."