We used to run. We used to attend fun runs, marathons and triathlons with friends. I used to love running and getting fit.
I remembered the first time I joined a marathon. It's not because I want to, but because I want to be with you. I'm not even sure if I'm fit to run, but I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes just to be close to you.
We were drunk the night before the marathon but I did my best to act right!
Para kanino ka ba tumatakbo?
Sino ba sinusundan mo?
These questions kept me going as I run the 10k route.
I'm not running to win. I'm running hoping to be with you on this journey.
You said to take it slow at the starting line, but when the gun fired, I lost you. I couldn't find you amongst the thousands of runners.
But I can't give up now! All I have to do is find you.
"Bei!" Maddie called me as she run beside me.
"Kaya pa?!" She asked.
I just nodded.
"Don't forget to breathe and stop at hydration points." She said before she left me.
Maddie is the competitive one. She's easy to be with. They said she likes me but I know who I want. I can't settle for anyone but you, Jho.
I continued running, looking for you. I checked my phone from time to time thinking you might send a message to call for help or what.
To my dismay, there's none. But I have to keep going.
I pushed myself to run even if at times I'm feeling that some of my muscles aren't cooperating.
C'mon! You can't stop! You need to find her. I said to myself.
Jho? Where are you? Are you okay?
Markers says 2k to go to the finish line and I haven't seen you yet. My body is getting tired. I stopped at a hydration point and asked for muscle spray.
After a minute, I'm back on the road.
Memories of our laughters and fun moments are flashing on my mind.
I miss you. I miss us.
I love the way you look at me as if I'm the only one around. I love you being so clingy that you won't take your hands off mine or whenever you wrap your arms around me.
How I wish, these really means something to you, because to me they are everything!
Some of the organizers are shouting, "You're almost there!", as they try to hype the runners.
I can see the finish line but there is still no sign of you.
Where are you Jho?
I saw some of our friends at the finish line waiting and you're not with them. I wonder where you are my love!
I felt uneasy or should I say worried. Few more steps and I'll finish the race. Then suddenly, I have this feeling of going back. I need to go back and find you my love!
I started to slow down and stopped few inches from the finish line. I suddenly felt someone hugged me from behind.
"You gave me a hard time! But it was worth it running after you." You said while I can hear your heavy breathing.
I smiled, turned around and saw you. I can't help but smile not just because of what I heard but because you're with me now.
We never said anything after that. We just smiled at each other and let our fingers intertwine.
We walk and pass the finish line together. Together. Yeah! That's when our together started.
Looking at our old race bibs, help me relive the past but these won't bring you back. There will be no more together, no more us, no more you.
No one will ever understand how I'm feeling from the day I lost you until now. It still brings me too much pain and tears.
I'm sorry, Jho! I'm sorry, I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I'm sorry for being selfish and let you join the last triathlon alone. If only I was there, I could have saved you. I was the one who ruined our together. This is all my fault.
"Bei?" Maddie said as she tries to comfort me.
I sobbed so she hugged me.
"It's been a year Bei. Let her go. She wouldn't want to see you this way. I'm sure she wants to see you happy even if she's no longer here." Maddie said.
"It's all my fault Madds. If only I was there!" I cried.
"Stop blaming yourself Bei. It'll not bring Jho back. You have to be strong and brave to face life again. I know it won't be easy. But if you can't do it for yourself, at least start by doing it for her. You know your family, friends and I are always here for you. Live for us too!" Maddie continued as tears started to fall from her face too.
I closed my eyes.
Jho? How can I live without you? How can I move on without you? Please! I don't know what to do anymore...
I saw you. You were smiling at me.
Jho! Jho!
I want to come near you but I just can't.
"I love you Bei! I always do and will always will. We'll be together someday but not until then, please live. I want to see you happy." Jho said.
