Haven, Withstanding -The Traveler Series ✔

Chapter 21 - Haven

Denying sleep was a bad idea. And I had lost the battle this morning.

I saw him in my dreams. Yelling for me. Demanding for me. And when I finally had enough courage to alert him to my prescence, his look was one of anger and determination. But I didnt want to talk about it yet. I couldnt. I was still trying to sort through my emotions... my dreams. What they meant. What they were telling me. I mean, I'm sure I already knew but I couldnt bring myself to act upon it. So instead of letting Ethan in on my inner turmoil, I lost my nerve. I had missed him. I was regretful for treating him the way I did. And in that moment, all I could think about was kissing him. And doing so in a moment where I wasnt desperate to relieve my loneliness. A real kiss. With meaning. What would that feel like?

And I got my answer immediately. The minuscule second before our lips touched, I felt my body explode into a million little fireworks. Electricity surged through me, sending ebbing waves throughout my soul. I had hoped I never awoke.

But I did. And as I thought back on the feeling of his lips against mine, my brain put on the brakes. It was a horrible love triangle. My heart, brain and soul never on the same page at the same time. I kept getting pulled back to Nash. How could I have loved him so much then and have such strong feelings for Ethan now?

I fell back onto my pillow, exhausted. How long could I keep this up? My soul wanted Ethan. My brain wanted Nash. My heart wanted both. It was like a hurdle I couldnt jump. And it wasnt fair to Ethan. I couldnt bring him into the true mess of hotness I was. How could anyone do that to someone?

"Thats his choice," I remembered Seth stressing. Apparently, Ethan was a glutton for punishment. Who knew?

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The moon was bright in the sky, dotted with stars... like glitter had been flung against the black velvet of the night.

"We need to talk, Haven." She said.

I turned to her. To me. The Pre-Harpee Haven. God, please dont let her go full Harpee again.

She chuckled, "Dont worry, I wont."

I furrowed my brows in confusion. Could she hear me? I didnt think I said anything out loud...

"Of course I can hear you! I'm you, you're me. Dont be silly." She exclaimed.

"Oh-o-okay?"

She stared hard at me now, "We cant keep doing this, Haven. We have to reconnect."

"Huh?" Reconnect? I thought she was me and I was her. That was what she just told me...

She frowned, "Yes, but the crash..." she shook her head and looked out at the starry sky, "it did something to us--we're no longer a unit. A team. You're there and I'm here. Two seperate parts of one person, lost and unwillingly to surrender to the other." She looked back to me, "I want to come back. I know you need me too. What's stopping you?"

"I dont know!" I cried. Jesus! Why does everyone keep asking me that?

"Because everyone but you knows the answer. We're trying to help you, Hay."

Hay. Only Nash calls me Hay.

I gasped, "Nash?"

She nodded, confirming what I already knew.

I looked down at my hands now, feeling very vulnerable without Ethan's bear, "I dont know how to let go..." I wispered. She took my hands into hers, breaking me from the thoughts of that teddy bear, "When you think of letting go, what scares you most?"