Terrible Habits

It Happened One Night.

It wasn't always like this, I wasn't always this way. But I keep coming back to the same event, the same central pull of gravity that forces me to look at my life for what it was and what it is now. Sometimes I wish that it happened differently, I wish that I could say the feeling between us were reciprocated. But it wasn't, that was something I have learned the hard way. It didn't happen the way I had imagined it or necessarily the way I believe it would. It happened when I was fourteen, too drunk on the pool deck of a mansion, with my one of my sister's best-friend. I had stumbled across one of Hadley's party invites and passed it onto Kylie. I knew that Hadley couldn't go, but I could. And I did. I let my mind wander back to the night, thinking about how different it could have turned out.

I am linked with Kylie's as we stomp through the grass to Rachel LeFray's back to school banger, going into freshman year meant that we could come now.

"This party will determine our cool factors for the rest of our high school lives Eleanor!" Kylie pleaded with me until I finally agreed. Hadley wasn't going anyways so there was no risk of being caught.

I let Kylie lead me up the mansion steps and through the front door as we stomped through the door and into the massive hallway. There really wasn't anything different about Rachel's house and mine or Kylie's. They were all the same really. The marble floors were echoing as high heels danced across them. The master staircase was to the right and every other piece of decoration was covered in the sea of bodies in front of me. Kylie squeezed my hand and beamed. I felt butterflies in my stomach.

"Come on," I smiled with her and led her through the bodies to the kitchen where the alcohol steadily flowed. I watched as guys grabbed beers from the full stocked fridge. There was a tub of red liquid that people were dipping their cups in to fill. I had drank before. Kylie and I had always stole from her mother's wine storage when she was passed out on pain meds. But this was different, this was our first high school party. Acting braver than I felt, I weaved through the crowd to the tub of punch. I grab a cup and plunge it into the tumbling liquid and bring it up to my lips. I try to keep a straight face as I downed it in gulps, thinking the faster I drink it, the quicker it will be over.

"You badass," Kylie bumped my elbow with hers and I smiled. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought. It tasted like juice...with a kick. Kylie follows my lead and I plunge the cup in again, grateful for the distraction.

"Where's Dallas?" I yell over the music. I can feel my pulse beating through my ears.

"I haven't seen him, come on," she pulls me through the crowd as I continue taking sips from the fruity liquid, my face begins to feel hot.

We wander through various rooms until we make it to the backyard. The yard is massive and was filled with crowds of people but the fresh Seattle air felt good. My shirt was already starting to stick to my back with sweat. I flip my hair away from my face as we wander to the pool house. We push the door open and walk over to the bar.

"Dallas," Kylie yelled recognizing him. He turned to face us and a sloppy smile spread across his face. He was tall, almost 6'4" and he was only going to be a junior. He towered over Kylie and wrapped her in a huge hug. His brown hair was cropped short, revealing his green eyes as they crinkled in the corner. I knew Dallas because of Kylie. We met him at a couple of the high school football games last fall. He was the quarterback that everyone wanted and he wanted Kylie. I also knew him because of Marcus, one of his best friends was dating Hadley.

"Dude who brought the freshmen?" I hear a voice and I look up to see three other guys and two girls leaning over the bar, but my eyes went to Baz. He was tall, but not as tall as Dallas. His arms were crossed over his chest, revealing thick muscles. I knew Baz from afar, but he didn't know me. I had seen him a handful of times at the benefits and brunches. He always held my gaze. His tousled blonde hair fell just above his bright blue eyes. He was the most beautiful person I had ever seen and this time he was staring at me. I force myself to look away and back to Dallas who turned to address them.