The Rule Of Elites

Chapter 79

Alex

Working heart. Its thumps. It's struggle beneath the rib cage. The detailed essence of its presence.

I listen to them.

I listened to her.

Torture. Every word she said cut through me, worse than blades.

My cheeks burned every time she bought up the pain she had endured. Her eyes were strong, it didn't wavered a bit like my breathing hideously did. Those eyes spoke more emotions then her words did. They were too strong. As if they were used to them. The heartache.

I don't like it.

I can't grasp it.

Believe it? I don't want to.

But it was there, she was there. Right in front of my eyes as she waited for me to say something.

Elzina.

As I see it, the veil that she had gone, the mask of the girl she called Elaine, that I fell in love with stripped off to in the presence of this beautiful mess that I was falling deeper in love with even in the state of such annihilation.

Denial. I had felt it the moment she called herself by that name. The real name. I went in frenzy, I drowned in trance. But before I could understand or even try to, she had held me by the side stepping closer.

Everything about her was same.

But not.

All of her was mine.

What a fool I was.

I thought this time nothing would dare to tear us apart.

How foolish was i?

She was Elzina Winston.

And I was Thomas White.

The skeptical, weak, and stupid boy who had pushed down all forms of bravery and traded it for coldness and nonchalance. Adapted a selfish silence so that he would never have to face his father because of it. Failed to see the reason behind a family's wreck because he was too busy trying to mourn of his own.

So, so stupid.

God must hate me for it.

It's the only reason why I was being punished this way.

To face the reality were I wanted to protect and love a girl until the last of me crumbles, to know that I could have ceased her despair if I had tried.

"Alex" it eases, the tense nerves in my body as every inch of it felt strained under my skin as her fingers clamps around my arm.

She was here.

With me.

"I am sorry" I say, my voice hoarse and deep. Almost clogged. She frowns.

"Why are you sorry? It was me who left you" she licks her lower lip, her eyes casts low in as if in guilt.

"Don't look away, please" the words spill, unknown to my knowledge as I desperately wait for her to look at me again. Her stare was the only thing that kept me sane, that kept me grounded.

She was here.

I try to convince myself.

She will be with me if she would never know.

I hated how selfish I was.

The sensitive breeze from the open balcony played with her hair, the bangs she had now lengthened to straighter strands as it fell freely upon her shoulders, blonde highlights by the end. I could sparsely recall how we ended up here, she just moved, I followed. Like every other time. Even if she didn't wanted me to.