A Hufflepuff's Loyalty

Chapter 11

There were a devil and an angel sitting on each of my shoulders. One of them kept saying, "Snape is a traitor! You have to tell them. He has to pay for what he's done."

The other said, "Snape did the right thing. Follow his example; turn your back on the Death Eaters. Start living your own life."

I couldn't tell which voice was the devil's and which was the angel's.

The days went by in a haze. I sat in my lessons, staring at my parchment, unable to focus on the droning voices of my teachers. In fact, I struggled to pay attention to anything.

The pieces of the puzzle in my head were jagged at the edges. They would never fit together. They would never show me the full picture. They'd have to reshape into the right pieces first. I felt like all I could do was wait for that to happen, for things to fall into place. Wait for that horrible feeling of confusion and doubt to blow over.

Hani tried to help me. She tried her best to distract me from the two opposite voices in my head, by offering a third, less obtrusive voice. She gave me a chance to talk about the things that went through my head, so that maybe I could become at peace with them.

Nothing helped. At one point I started wondering why she still bothered, but she persisted anyway.

Liam, the boy I'd threatened at the start of the year, sat down next to me one morning at breakfast and asked if I wanted to join one of his sessions. The ones in which students helped one another get through what happened to them because of the war. They were helping each other through the loss and the pain and the fear. He thought it might be useful for me, too, since I was obviously still struggling.

I declined kindly, to which he responded, "Think about it. We're not going anywhere, so you can join anytime."

The gesture warmed my heart. With every passing day I became more and more aware of how good these people were. It made me wonder why the Death Eaters had been so insistent on killing them all. My family had always taught me that these people were unworthy, weak, cowardly. But being among them made me realise they were anything but. Yes, they had different ideas and values than the Dark Lord did, but did that in itself really make them bad people?

I was starting to think it didn't.

One morning, not long before the Christmas holidays would start, I woke up to an empty dorm room. I'd struggled to fall asleep the previous night, so it was fairly late by the time I woke up. The sun was already shining brightly through the windows. I got dressed and went down to the near-empty common room.

"Jena! What are you still doing here?" A boy from my year, Daelan, came down from his dorm room.

Unsure what he meant, I gestured towards the door to the girls' bedroom and muttered, "I just woke up."

"Aren't you coming with us?" he asked, stuffing what seemed to be an armful of chocolate frogs into his book bag.

"C-coming with you?"

"Yeah, to the picnic," said Daelan. "The holidays are next week, and most of us are going home. Since the weather is so nice today, we decided to hold a sort of Parting Picnic. You are joining us, aren't you?"

For a few seconds I just stared at him, as he smiled back.

"Don't worry, we've got more than just chocolate frogs," Daelan grinned.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, okay. I can come."

With a strange feeling settling in my stomach, I followed my housemate through the castle, through the massive double doors, and onto the lawn. We walked all the way down to the lake, where the rest of the fourth year Hufflepuffs had already gathered.

"Oh, hey Jena!" said Hani as soon as she saw me. "I was about to come get you."

I stared at the cheerful group of people, sitting on the overlarge picnic blanket, chatting and laughing away. Food and drinks were scattered out over the blanket, so that everyone could take whatever they wanted. "You were?" This didn't seem like the kind of gathering where I'd fit in.

"Yeah!" said Hani. "You were still asleep this morning, and I didn't want to wake you. But I wouldn't have let you miss the picnic!" She ushered me to sit down next to her, which I did. "I'm going home next week, after all. What better way to say goodbye than with a picnic?"

She smiled so brightly that even her eyes seemed to light up.

I chuckled. "I guess that does sound fun."

Hani clapped her hands like a child. "I knew you'd like it. Come on, have some pumpkin juice."

That day was good. Almost good enough for me to forget my worries for a while. The heavy weight on my shoulders seemed to have lifted just slightly.

The next day was Monday. Our last week of lessons, before Christmas break. The teachers didn't seem to realise this, though. They worked us just as hard as they normally would.

In potions we were working on the Wit-Sharpening Potion, which counteracted the Confundus Charm. The class silently worked, chopping their ingredients, stirring their cauldrons. We weren't allowed to work together this time, because professor Snape reckoned we should already be able to do it by ourselves. We'd only tried the potion once before and I could hear many of my classmates groan with effort. And despair.

Mine, too, wasn't quite going according to plan. The colour ended up as a deep red, instead of a dark orange, and I had no idea why. Had Snape been any good as a teacher, he'd probably have explained it to me.

When the bell rang, Snape was just in time to assign us a large piece of homework to complete over the holidays. The entire class glared at him before they left. Just as I was about to step out the door, I changed my mind and closed the door in front of me. I needed some kind of closure. Maybe talking to him could give it to me.

"Miss Bates. You're still here," said Snape grumpily. "Leave."

"I just wanted to tell you something," I said, stepping further into the classroom. "I'll make it quick."

"Hmm," said Snape, sounding as annoyed as he always did. "Go on."

I took a deep breath. "I just wanted to say, I get it. I know you've been acting as a..." What should I call it? "Well, a sort of double spy. I was angry, at first, but I understand it now. They go against what we stand for, but they're good people."

Snape's eyes narrowed. "How exactly did you find out about that?"

Heaving my book bag higher on my shoulder, I answered, "I overheard a conversation between you and Dumbledore. Don't worry. The secret's safe with me." I smiled to emphasise my words.

Snape stared at me for a long time. I was about to turn around and leave, when he suddenly spoke up.

"I figured you'd change your mind about them," he said. "You're a Hufflepuff through and through, after all. Even they haven't been able to flush that out of you. It's in your genes."

My brow furrowed. "I-in my genes?" How in Merlin's name would he know that?

Snape picked up some parchment from his desk and tidied it away. "Yes, your genes. Surely Rosier has told you about your ancestors?"

Shock froze me in place. My ancestors? Evan had always told me no one's ever been able to find my real family. And now Snape is telling me they knew who my ancestors were? Surely if they knew that, they could find my parents, too! "What are you talking about?" I breathed.

Snape looked up from the pieces of parchment he held in his hands. "You don't know?"

"Don't know what?" I didn't mean to shout, but I wasn't really in control of my body anymore. Shock had taken over.

Snape raised an eyebrow at my outburst, but decided to answer my question anyway. "Your family tree, miss Bates. You are a direct descendant of Helga Hufflepuff."